nicki f.

Comedian❣️shows & podcast links here❣️

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Masturbating alone in your families house is awkward, I almost can’t orgasm. Gonna keep trying tho.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

People who look sexy in airports- why tho?

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Honestly dogs are all that matter anymore anyway

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Have u ever noticed sometimes dogs catcall other dogs

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I love how we ask our dogs to poop, like they know what we’re saying.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Just once i wish a Uber driver would offer me a joint instead of yelling at me for toking up in his car.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

@jcstarzyk 5’10 is usually 5’8, honestly every time.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I’m so tall men get delusional about their own height when I’m around.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

A wolf in sheep’s clothing but it’s just a fuck boi that appears wholesome.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I will choose to not hang out with anyone and actively choose to go to open mics

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Venus is in shadow, and it’s showing by the amount of pimples I have on my face right now.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I don’t care what anyone says sometimes the universe does things and those things can be mean things, just saying.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I don’t care how rich I am, I will
Never go under water or into outer space in any type of vessel. I’m going to keep my feet planted on earth, thank you very much.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Note to self… don’t get a yacht 🛥️

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

My mom and Mike Tyson have a lot in common..in particular they both really like pigeons the same amount if u know what I mean

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

When someone just texts you, your name.. how do you respond? Like yes, I know my fuckin name, say your shit, leave my name out of it.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

One time I liked someone one who preferred to wear toe socks regularly and this is why I shouldn’t be allowed to date because I will accept your biggest flaws to my detriment.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Tonight!

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I don’t want kids, because my inner child is enough
For me

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

Imma aperol spritz my way thru this summer.

[nicki f. @nickifuchs]

I turn down everyone to lay in bed with my dog, so.