Nicholas Short

thinks your car wash playlist is trash

[Brad @BraddrofliT]

People with 6 teeth defending people with 8 yachts is one of the greatest political achievements in modern history.

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

FREE THIS MAN!!! A NATIONAL HERO!!!

[New York Post @nypost]

Cop arrested, fired for allegedly pointing gun at fellow officer who microwaved fish at police station https://t.co/DkE9a4Vx4h

[Vanessa @Nessakins_]

The absolute worst part of stopping for gas on a road trip is having to get back on the highway and deal with all the fucking idiots you passed 40miles ago

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

I posted “i am the first man in my bloodline to jack off in an Arby’s” on facebook and my uncle replied “not true.”

[Henry Winkler @hwinkler4real]

Never happened at one of the 4 schools I attended . DID it happen at yours ?? For real ?

[Kristen Mag @kristenmag]

@nytimes @TheAthletic Even injecting just a little bit of hyaluronic acid can make a vas deferens in the jump.

[I’m Mr. Brightside @_blue42]

Please be the Browns 🙏🏽

[Prem Thakker @prem_thakker]

An insane encapsulation: The same day Trump’s agents kill a Veterans Affairs ICU nurse in broad daylight, the CEOs of Apple and Amazon join Trump to watch a private screening of a film about his wife directed by an alleged sexual abuser who was seen shirtless in the Epstein Files

[🏴‍☠️Maddox🏴‍☠️ @maddoxrules]

Breaking: J6 rioters pardoned. Breaking: Trump renames Gulf of Mexico. Breaking: secret war plans sent to journalist in group chat. Breaking: tariffs crash stock market. Breaking: tariffs paused. Breaking: Epstein files to be released. Breaking: Epstein files weren't released. Breaking: Epstein files don't exist. Breaking: Epstein prison video released with missing minute. Breaking: Prison video found to be edited. Breaking: Missing minute released, shows person walking in prison. Breaking: Trump sends military to US cities. Breaking: Epstein files are a democrat hoax. Breaking: Trump sends black hawk helicopters to Chicago. Breaking: Trump threatens to invade Greenland. Breaking: Trump threatens Canada. Breaking: Trump threatens NATO. Breaking: Iran military targets struck. Breaking: Trump suggests running in 2028. Breaking: Vaccine schedule rolled back. Breaking: Republicans go on recess and block release of Epstein files. Breaking: Trump pardons crypto billionaire. Breaking: Trump receives billions in crypto investment. Breaking: Some republicans side with democrats to release Epstein files. Breaking: Trump fires BLS commissioner after bad economic data. Breaking: Trump admin refuses to release jobs report numbers. Breaking: Trump pardons Honduran president for drug trafficking. Breaking: Trump issues military strikes on boats in Venezuela for drug trafficking. Breaking: Deadline for releasing all Epstein files missed. Breaking: Trump all over the 1% of Epstein files released. Breaking: Files containing Trump deleted from Epstein archive. Breaking: Trump commandeers Venezuelan oil tankers. Breaking: Trump invades Venezuela. Breaking: Trump drafting plans to invade Greenland. Breaking: ICE agent kills US citizen. Breaking: Trump admin releases false report about killed US citizen. Breaking: Protests erupt around US. Breaking...

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

I immediately thought of The Simpsons “Boat Giveaway” episode

[USA TODAY @USATODAY]

The Department of Homeland Security is offering $1,000 stipends and free airfare to immigrants who deport themselves. https://t.co/WVuFFtoJ5R

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

Did LeBron just ‘Solomon Hill’ Ant?

[Kevin Love @kevinlove]

You have no choice? lol

Because it went viral? lol

You didn’t want to have to? lol

You wouldn’t have? lol

[Mina Kimes @minakimes]

Glued to the news here cheering on these guys like they’re Steph Curry

[Jeff Passan @JeffPassan]

Outfielder Teoscar Hernández and the Los Angeles Dodgers are in agreement on a three-year, $66 million contract, sources tell ESPN. The deal includes a fourth-year option for $15 million, a little more than $23 million in deferred money and a $23 million signing bonus.

[Injy @itsinjy]

Finally a kid without an iPad

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

Costco, I love you but you’re bringing me down https://t.co/Z8J9PHC8s8

[Jeff Passan @JeffPassan]

BREAKING: Superutilityman Tommy Edman and the Los Angeles Dodgers are in agreement on a five-year, $74 million contract extension, sources tell ESPN. The deal runs from 2025-29 and includes a sixth-year club option. There’s a $17 million signing bonus and deferred money included.

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

@NYSoftball @Travis_Sawchik I’m not sure who doesn’t understand the ‘concept’ that a million bucks is worth less in a couple decades

[Travis Sawchik @Travis_Sawchik]

Some Dodgers' accountant is the real MVP

[Nicholas Short @nicocorto]

No, because I don’t want my kitchen to smell like the gun range

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

Have you ever tried this before?