Morty's Beth

♈

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

“When I was your age, I survived a pandemic and didn’t leave my house for two years. You will be okay if you stay in tonight.”

Finally, we have a line to use for future kids 😭😭😭

[m.a.l.o.n.e_ @BoiiMillan2786]

When I was young at school, this was like winning Sportpesa Jackpot

[KENYA GOSSIP HUB @kenyasgossips]

99% of Kenyans have experienced this. The KPLC and Safari Com combo.

— 🎥 gaby_4riz

[KENYA GOSSIP HUB @kenyasgossips]

This lady witnessed a real life gllitch...

[Morty's Beth @nilas_mum]

Trying to coast twerk while cramping and bloated def feels like a 5/6 month pregnancy 😭🤣

[Bobbi @kittenaround_51]

I don't know which is funnier. "Jessica!" "Hellllp!" or the nuclear alarm 🚨from the baby. 😂😂😂

[Miss Home @GyozlynB]

Dear Future Hubby, you see that thing called “public proposal”, it’s not for us darling🫠😌..

[↯ @ajytweets]

for a dry ass phone I be on it a lot.

[Young⁠ @Brayohki]

huwa inakaa all jokes till you realize people go for a whole year + without being laid. crazy

[uBHEBHE🇿🇦 @nokwandamhlong0]

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[𝟮𝟭.🛸 @Big_tagg]

i’ll stay home.

[Dark Darling @Darkdarling00]

“And this is how I knew it was time to take my homegirl home… 🤣🤣”

[Hoots @hutu_pauline]

Nothing quite as embarrassing as canceling and getting the the same rider.

[Farhiya ✨ @farhiiiyaaa___]

Google Chrome asking me to abandon all other browsers and make it my default browser

[Just19600 @Just19600]

Coach said ‘get low’… she got Olympic-level low 😂😂😂😄😅

[Snr..🧸🇫🇷 @vinicius_snrr]

This one still k!lls me😭😭😭

[Langit @profvesor]

sometimes dont trust your eyes

[TurboDiesel @alexmwanzo]

I'll explain
Bear with me
Majority of businesses in Kenya have an owner_manager setup ie the owner is till the ops guy
Now take example you run a garage
Does few cars a month say 30 cars pays decently okay covers overheads etc
One day
Government A or parastatal approaches you and tells you oya we've seen your work and would like you to apply for a tender (I don't know about the legalities of this and if money changes hands for the tender process) and we will be bringing you 100 + cars a month
Now this is 3x the turnover but they have a 90 day credit period not the best but also you just need to finance the first 90 and the rest itakuwa poa
Take a small loan
Hire more staff
Get more equipment and cars start rolling in
You send invoices and wait
90 days come youve done work worth 20m
Remember you already have the LPO so the money is there just not in your account
You say ah 14 more days, an extra month passes
Banks want their money
Your friends want their money
Government isn't picking your calls
Staff wants their money
It's downhill from here
You star selling shit ,auctioneers are calling
Person x calls and says give me 2m cash I process for you your money I know the governor
Lesser evil -take out another short term loan from momentum (away watakufinya ushangae)
Give him cash
Anakushow nipe 24hrs money kwa account
Some hope , hope isn't a strategy
24hrs later guys phone is off
Sasa kila mtu is after you
At home wife needs rent,kids need school fees
Food Ed all
Aaahh you just take a small rope and put it over your neck because momentum has come after your house as well

[Amalia @Amaliarenzy]

*Removing the crust from your wound*

Your blood platelets that have worked for days: