Kurt Hauptman

my mouth is a cereal port

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

We tested eight more Valyrian steel swords and found Heartsbane to be the best of the bunch. It is well-balanced, imbued with magic, and more durable than any castle-forged blade. (cc @wirecutter)

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@ESPNFANSUPPORT I can't login to my ESPN account. When I try to login with my credentials, it says my account has been temporarily locked. When I click "Send Me a Code," I input my email address -- the same email I used for the login attempt -- and I get this:

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

cc @ClickHole

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@complyfoam did your SSL cert expire? i'm getting this when i try to visit https://t.co/TBOa9Qed4s

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@maloonds that poster is a masterpiece as well -- framed photo is me as the U in DUKE, front row at cameron

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@maloonds i am well-situated. (please forgive the cord clutter.) if you have the means to acquire a high-quality desk chair, i strongly recommend it

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

𝗙𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵.

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@BetsyCosta4 good LORD i forgot sarcasm doesn't exist on the internet. nancy pelosi is a hero and possibly the most effective speaker the democrats have had in modern political history, please have a lovely day

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

i used to think the most classless act ever conducted in congress was when rep. preston brooks beat the shit out of sen. charles sumner with a walking cane on the floor of the senate, but this guy is right, ripping up a speech is definitely worse

[Ian Miles Cheong @ianmiles]

And there it is. The most classless act ever conducted in Congress, by Nancy Pelosi. https://t.co/kxNFzKIEIb

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@reaganlawn option 3: left shark

[Timothy Burke @bubbaprog]

I just want to point out that this meltdown happened during "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" which is not clear on the Fox broadcast, and it's hilarious

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@alexburnsNYT This has really aged beautifully. I would encourage you and the @nytimes staff to look through your Twitter graphs as a source for an accurate and entertaining accounting of the past three years, while looking forward to the next.

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@EliasSports The Cardinals have scored 2 runs on 11 hits through 3 games. What is the worst team offensive performance in a best-of-seven postseason series in MLB history?

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@comcast @comcastcares can we talk about (a) the 2nd service outage in 2 weeks at my location, and (b) the incredible, hilarious unreliability of your customer service tools?

[Ken Jennings @KenJennings]

That guy who wire-walked between the towers of Notre Dame and then the World Trade Center should maybe cut it out.

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@vanderlindenjp @wirecutter Ice was our previous upgrade pick, but it's no longer available. Consider Longclaw as an upgrade if you're able to wield a bastard sword well.

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

We tested eight more Valyrian steel swords and found Heartsbane to be the best of the bunch. It is well-balanced, imbued with magic, and more durable than any castle-forged blade. (cc @wirecutter)

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@PereGrimmer @kjhealy @familyunequal "Duck and cover" has been wrongly maligned as ineffective. If you're outside of the epicenter of a blast, and you aren't immediately incinerated, you absolutely want as much between you and the flash as possible. In short: find shade. https://t.co/uh2nyOZhvk

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@caityrogo if you're serious... it's so good. @Gladwell explains it delightfully, both in his podcast and in an earlier article in the New Yorker.

https://t.co/X09GJnI2m1

https://t.co/gcsLa1tLj2

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@kaulsumeet @wirecutter Really depends on your use case. A flaming arakh might seem like a good fit for blindly charging at an army of the dead in complete darkness, but reviews are mixed. You'll also pay extra for shipping, and it will have to come across the Narrow Sea, which can take a while.

[Kurt Hauptman @ninjakurtle]

@KorrenaBailie It's somewhat a matter of personal preference. You can find our brief write-up of Oathkeeper under "The Competition."