Clinical Astrologist

where’s that red one gonna go?

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

S2E6 of The Bear is so incredibly familiar and heartbreaking, mostly because my parents will watch and gasp and laugh without even a modicum of irony.

[rob delaney @robdelaney]

Affirmative action is good. It's also literally the *LEAST* we can do after centuries of systemic, murderous racism. Disagree? Eat 3 poos.

[Eve Fairbanks @evefairbanks]

Somebody simply has to write the ultimate catch-all essay on disruptive, libertarian, private-sector-touting entrepreneurs simply begging and demanding for state intervention at the end of their journeys. (This is the Titan sub company's adviser.)

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

“Does that make sense?” and “Just want to make sure I understand…” are my least favorite phrases that I use on a daily basis. I make sense and I understand.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

I recently rewatched Blackfish on a whim (horrific x2) and after 2 failed attempts, I’m finally visiting Alaska this summer. It all makes sense now. #TeamOrca

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@tomkaters It’s like the status of being a real New Yorker after x years. For Chicago, it’s based on Lower Wacker mastery.

[swm @sheathescholar]

COLUMBUS, OHIO!

one of my wife's favorite students has been missing since early Wednesday morning. please spread widely so we can find her and get her home safely ASAP.
#MissingPerson

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@bibofthedamned Oh!! Well that’s prob a particularly fun index. And I hope you didn’t my pipe dream extra degree as disparaging… I’m just hoping to have a long life with the means to make it less boring.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@bibofthedamned What’s an index question? Don’t tempt me to go back to school for my MLS. I’ll do it, I swear.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

If the only sound bite is “it was so odd seeing a car in the middle of the restaurant,” the eyewitness interview might be unnecessary.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

I’m distressed by hearing my name said so often on the television. Fun/disturbing fact: my parents toyed with spelling my name Nowell, in addition to the also intolerable Noël. They didn’t decide until I was about 6 months old.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

We know that it’s inherently jarring to hear the vocal tones of the 55%, so please do guide us in finding the correct tones. Too high is dumb, too low is artificial fry and fake intellect.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

I was just having a feeling about representation and a palpable turning of the tide with this year’s March Madness in a lot of ways, but then Twitter sends me Vic, being the absolute sexiest man he can be.

[Vic Vega @CapitalisticPig]

Not being sexiest but I hate listening to women trying to sound like guys broadcasting during a NCAA March Madness basketball game.

Why can’t they hire women who speak with a women’s voice?

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

I wonder if Vic would find my baritone voice sexier or sexiest.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@ForzaMeats that’s a shame

[Chicago Tribune @chicagotribune]

The Archdiocese of Chicago will not be granting parishioners a general dispensation on the March 17 holiday from the obligation to abstain from meat on Fridays during Lent.

https://t.co/OZNBJO1urq

[Liam O'Donoghue @Liam_ODonoghue]

Me: Capitalism will never come up with something more blatantly scammy than NFTs

Capitalism: Hold my beer...

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@nlyonne You might just give me hope for myself.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

I like to think about what role would suit me best in a hunter-gatherer society and I waiver between nanny/childcare provider (obvs) and chef who tends the fire and bitches at everyone else for not bringing me anything to work with.

[Clinical Astrologist @noLponto]

@ForzaMeats

[brent @murrman5]

one never forgets the look on the doctor’s face when they hear you use the words snacking pepperoni