clyde

to really live, you must nearly die

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

@rimelimbozulue @neshter0 Eziklik kompleksiyle ufak şeylere takip basit şeylere dehşet yükselen insanlar çok komik geliyor

[selfpaglu. @maramarvellous_]

yeah sex is cool but have you ever watched someone’s face light up just because they saw you?

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯 @japan_nobunaga]

>be me, normal Japanese guy living in California

>just wanted a quiet Saturday morning coffee and a croissant at a local bakery

>step into a trendy Los Angeles café

>the guy behind the counter is 6'5", covered in neck tattoos, and has a beard that looks like a majestic owl lives in it

>he glares at me with the intensity of a prison warden: "What can I get started for you, boss?"

>my social anxiety spikes immediately; my brain short-circuits into "polite Japanese tourist" mode

>instead of saying "a black coffee," I accidentally blurt out: "I would like... one hot bean water, please."

>dead silence across the entire café

>the barista slowly stops wiping the counter, narrows his eyes, and stares into my soul

>oh god, I just called artisan, single-origin Colombian brew "hot bean water" to a heavily tattooed Los Angeles artisan

>he is going to throw me through the front window

>instead, a slow, terrifying grin spreads across his face

>he leans over the counter, lowers his voice, and whispers: "Hot bean water... damn. That's heavy. Real talk, man. I respect that."

>he turns to the espresso machine like he's mixing a chemical weapon in a Breaking Bad lab

>two minutes later, he slides a massive ceramic mug across the bar

>it's not a regular cup; it's a bowl-sized cauldron filled to the absolute brim with the darkest, most radioactive-looking liquid on Earth

>taste it: it is so strong it instantly cures my seasonal allergies and wakes up my ancestors

>I try to pay with a five-dollar bill, but he waves his hand dismissively:

>"Nah, man. The Bean Water is on the house for the philosopher. You keep that cash."

>try to politely explain that I am not a philosopher, just an idiot who forgot the English word for coffee

>he nods sagely, cutting me off: "Humble too. I dig it. See you next Saturday, Bean Water."

>now I am trapped.

>every weekend I have to walk into that hipster café looking dead-eyed, accept a lethal dose of black sludge, and nod solemnly at a man named Jax while he treats me like an underground cartel boss

>result: accidentally established dominance over a Los Angeles coffee shop using broken English and pure confusion

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

The issue is I have too much fun by myself and when people are trying to be a part of my life they're not competing against others but with how much fun I'd have by myself... Shit I think I'm a closeted introvert

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

You do you, I do me, and that's the way it shall be

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

"Bro you gotta stop"
*Me to my mind

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

- so do you play any games?
+ Well, I'm level 30 in life

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

Fyi I unintentionally judge people on the usage of their grammar while writing

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

To be honest it's nice being me, yeah some shit has been sideways for a while now, but it has its upsides

[🐚 @whotthefreak]

multitasking yapabilen erkekler iyi sevisiyor. Adhd biriyle sevis hayatin boyunca unutamazsin

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

I now have to buy an 1198SP

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

Some people smell really good when passing by, but keep in mind that you would get a massive headache if they stayed

[Pati Sever @PatiSever01]

@Symply_rhoda1 In our culture someone stranded or in distress isn't called a stranger; they are 'God's guest.' A guest's money holds no value here only their prayers do.

[dosa @dishandthecity]

and if you’re free later maybe we can live a million ordinary days together

[َ @gffyoq]

"that's not realistic" yeah not for YOU, you unwhimsical mf.

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

@ModeratelyMused You're one of the few reasons I go on this app

[Robin 🐛 @Undue_Risk]

women will say “sorry my room is messy” and it could genuinely be anywhere from spotless to uninhabitable

[clyde @nocontextsalim]

Type of love I'm gonna find myself in

[ame𑣲❄︎ @v3lvetbunni]

fuck that nonchalant shit, spit redbull down my throat

[Judith Butler Bible Thumper @philosophysux]

I hope you all think of me not just as pretentious, but an asshole too