Noelle Can’t Cook

I gave myself a cooking show ⬇️

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

.@HBO max/hbo max/whatever you’re calling yourselves now, listen up: you gotta let people reset their progress on shows. We watched Six Feet Under ~5 years ago and now that we started it again, we can never tell which episode we’re up to. First-world problem, I know, but HELP

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

@MarindaVannoy1 Tell that to Frank Costanza

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

@dominos Okay but why is your pizza suddenly bland?

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Where do we get the discounted Kansas City hoodies? I’d like an XL if they’re cheap enough #SuperBowlLIX

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Think they’ll change their name to the Kansas City Losers? #SuperBowl

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

If Ben Affleck went missing, I wouldn’t help look for him. #SuperBowlLIX

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

.@RobertKennedyJr Can we make REAL kombucha legal in the US?

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Oh, look! They redesigned Spotify. Again.

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

@LidlUS Please do. I can buy national brands anywhere. I shop at Lidl to get YOUR brand.

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Hey, @LidlUS! I don’t know why you’re replacing all the best store brand items with name brand versions, but knock it off! The WHOLE reason why we shop at your stores is to save money. We can’t do that when you’re selling the same overpriced items everyone else has.

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Watching this new episode of #CurbYourEnthusiasm is actually torture. Can’t believe this is the same man who made Seinfeld. 👎🏻

[Lara Logan @laralogan]

Are you angry yet? Frustrated? Read this.

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Can someone please post screenshots of what’s for sale on @thrivemarket so I can decide if it’s worth signing up or not 😶

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

Nothing against being patriotic, but FUCK your fireworks 🤦‍♀️

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

@jimmykimmel Jimmy Kimmel: perpetually butthurt

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

What in the actual fuck is going on with the ads on YouTube?

[Chef Andrew Gruel @ChefGruel]

Was looking into doing a beach cleanup here in SoCal with our team. We need a permit and have to pay $75 to clean up garbage. And they wonder why people say the government policies hurt the environment.

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

https://t.co/PBAc16jafH

[Noelle Can’t Cook @noellecookss]

5 things I’ve ✨banned✨ for a low today kitchen (not a 🧵 because fuck that)

#MasterChef

https://t.co/ld4ptZGI81

[The Unsinkable Kung Flu Panda MD @eastcodiesel]

I got called crazy by half of my family when I refused to do 23 and me

I explained that this was going to happen