Mike Petty

Goats. Not even once.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@MarcSesslerNFL As a Charger fan, my two most anticipated matchups are Chargers/Rams, and Chargers/Saints. Drew Brees used to play for the Chargers doncha know.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@HarrisonNFL I'd be curious to see rankings based on the last five games instead of the whole season. As a Charger fan I feel like the Bears are playing better football right now. Although we'll see what happens tonight.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@vitaminwater #NoPhoneForaYearContest #contest I would work out instead of checking social media. I would read my Bible or work on my novel instead of watching Youtube. I would cook real meals instead of playing games on my phone. I might also get over my addiction to bad sites.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

I suppose as long as the Jets don't make the playoffs we're okay.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@HarrisonNFL The Chargers play better when they're underdogs, so if you could lower their rank down to 10 that would be great. As the playoffs get closer I'm getting flashbacks to when we went 14-2 in the regular season then 0-1 in the playoffs. Or 13-3 & 0-1, or 12-4 & 0-1...

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@ChiefPat Hi there!

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

Hey @katyperry, my niece's bday party is in August. Do you want to be my +1? It's a pool party so swimwear is appropriate. Something modest.

[RocketJump @rocketjumptweet]

ICYMI: ChickyBoo's back and he wants your love. <3 https://t.co/fFxcUeI5NO #ValentinesDay

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@mattLarnold You wear jeans even though you prefer dresses? #SundayNightConfessions

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

Speaking of cool cars, look what I found while dropping off Chris. @bunnybloonlorde @wholewrldshaded

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@ashly_burch Just watched your short and I...umm...I...wait, is there really not an e in your name? That's weird. Cool short though.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

Reward good comedians with laughter. Punish bad comedians with awkward silence. If a cricket chirps all the better. Or just throw crickets.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@fwong I know a guy that makes crepes, but he's a bit crepe-y.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

Saturday morning cartoons have been replaced with Saturday morning interneting on your phone. #howlonghaveibeenlayinghere

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

You're making my phone vibrate. #twitteratwork #imdoingittoo @wholewrldshaded

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

"You're too fat to be ambidextrous." #bruisedhands @wholewrldshaded

[bunchface @bunchface]

if he's going to be dying, he's not going to bother ingesting. #morbidthoughts #ingest @nogoat23

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

https://t.co/vDsSqCnvV9

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

@bunnybloonlorde All smarties are equal.

[Mike Petty @nogoat23]

You don't know the muffin man. @bunnybloonlorde