Scott Nolden

[Scott Nolden @nolden17]

@DexsTweets Woo Suk Gone.

[Scott Nolden @nolden17]

@cicero_mn They will be in town Aug 10-12.

[Miss Ally @MissAlly_01]

My dad used to say, "You can’t go around saving everyone. They have to learn to save themself."

He was a lovely man, but a terrible lifeguard.

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 95, Clint Eastwood is probably still alive.

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

DAVE LETTERMAN: Tony Clark is gone from the MLBPA, Paul. He had an affair with his sister-in-law.

PAUL SHAFFER: Baseball.

DAVE LETTERMAN: Now if you ask the hookers in Times Square for a Tony Clark Special, you get an additional mound visit.

PAUL SHAFFER: *plays "Glory Days"*

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 90, Sandy Koufax is probably still alive.

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 78, NHL Hall of Famer and former politician Ken Dryden is probably still alive.

[getPucksDeeeeeeep @BeeTEE15]

Olympic Hockey:

- the games start on time
- no animated fake ads on the boards
- no ads superimposed on the ice or glass
- no gambling ads shoved in your face
- no live betting odds
- no broadcast sponsored parlays
- no ads on jerseys or helmets

fix your game @NHL

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 83, ice hockey legend Phil Esposito is probably still alive. He was the first player in NHL history to score 100 points in a season and according to questionable sources is currently the radio color commentator for the Tampa Bay Lightning.

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 87, NBA Hall of Famer Oscar Robertson is probably still alive.

[Life Alert @life_alert_news]

Life alert! At the age of 94, the last surviving member of The Jeffersons' main cast, Marla Gibbs is probably still alive.

[Three Year Letterman @3YearLetterman]

Jesus measured temperature in Fahrenheit and so should you

[Jon Gabriel @exjon]

Brainerd Police arrested illegal immigrant Gaear Grimsrud for kidnapping and murder, yet Minnesota officials keep blocking his deportation back to Sweden. Why is America importing useless criminals like this?

[Scott Nolden @nolden17]

@realizzypresley @JeppsonsMalort It’s worse.

[Jeff Blehar is *BOX OFFICE POISON* @EsotericCD]

I'm simply tired of Minnesota, all-around.

[T̾e̾d̾’̾s̾ ̾O̾f̾ ̾B̾e̾v̾e̾r̾l̾y̾ ̾H̾i̾l̾l̾s̾ @TedBeverlyHills]

How’s your summer going? How about coming into Ted’s of Beverly Hills and having a thick juicy Ted-Eye, bone-in, for only $29.99. And for dessert, how’s about a double scoop of Chocolate Ted (chip) with Whipped Ted (cream) a Cappu-Ted-O (cappuccino) and a slice of seven layer Ted

[Cernovich @Cernovich]

Legalized weed - which I initially supported many years ago - has been tried. Everyone but the weed heads regret it. Ruins everything,

[Sophie Cunningham @sophaller]

stop throwing dildos on the court… you’re going to hurt one of us.

[Barstool Baseball @StoolBaseball]

Ronald Acuña Jr just made a throw you gotta see to believe

[Scott Nolden @nolden17]

@midwestern_ope Just Madison.