It’s Cat

I'm Cat. I break things and I bruise like a peach.

[Michael Shiner @michael_shiner1]

Unfortunately the funniest tweet I’ve ever and ever will see on this app

[Anjali 👊🔥🇺🇸 @AnjaliVBhatt]

every single part of "my mayor muslim, my bagels jewish, my christian dior, knicks in four" is not applicable to me but that hasn't stopped me from saying it out loud fifteen times today

[ozzy @mouldpoisoning]

did they know its just one guy before they ate him

[It’s Cat @NoModernMuse]

So we did that right? We learned the lessons?

[JD Vance @JDVance]

Twenty years ago we invaded Iraq. The war killed many innocent Iraqis and Americans. It destroyed the oldest Christian populations in the world. It cost over $1 trillion, and turned Iraq into a satellite of Iran. It was an unforced disaster, and I pray that we learn its lessons.

[‏ؘ @helllojojo]

i have enough on my plate now i gotta worry about giraffes

[Ross Sayers @Sayers33]

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand t-shirt. She couldn't even name 3 other main causes of the outbreak of World War I

[Tommy Vietor @TVietor08]

Say a prayer for Santa as he approaches Venezuelan airspace. A sleigh covered in white powder and @PeteHegseth a few eggnogs deep is a deadly combination.

[Dr. Clown, PhD @DrClownPhD]

This Mongolian version of Jingle Bells might be the best thing to happen to Christmas in years.

[Todd Spence @Todd_Spence]

For no reason at all Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly shot-for-shot recreated David Bowie and Bing Crosby's "Little Drummer Boy" duet 😂 wait for the end

[eleni @ele__giac]

gestures to make you more elegant and feminine

[It’s Cat @NoModernMuse]

Of course it’s a great idea to shut down the Lakeshore West line EVERY WEEKEND BEFORE CHRISTMAS, because of course no one has family commitments or work parties to attend this month…. How idiotic can @GOtransit possibly be? Asked and answered.

[Jon Root @JonnyRoot_]

I don’t think Gatorade & the WNBA fully thought this marketing campaign through 😆

[THE KID MERO 🇩🇴 @THEKIDMERO]

ME AT THE GATE OFF A XAN AND A 250MG EDIBLE WAITIN FOR GROUP 1 TO BOARD

[Benny Johnson @bennyjohnson]

I’m howling 🤣

[seth | sunny 18 @pqdres]

Arguably this is more accurate today than it was in 2007

[Will 🦥 Menaker @willmenaker]

I'm 100% in favor of this as it would change the well known acronym for the Great Lakes, "HOMES" to "HOMOS"

[hannah louise @hannahlouisef]

today is my dog's birthday so he is allowed a cigarette