Non Chalant

Having a Kit Kat

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

It's not just you ladies who can make the sex with the cucumbers.

I put the "cum" in cucumbers.

Wait. What?!

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

I'll watch your lips when you talk
and your arse when you walk.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

Nice potty mouth, Princess.

Do you kiss my avi with that mouth?

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

Thanks, locked account with 7 followers but a RT from you is like getting freshly baked pastries from someone who has a bad case of eczema.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

I fantasize about group sex with all my twitter crushes SO often that I'm pretty sure their periods have synchronized.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

I'm at that point in my life where the "3 S's" before going out have gone from meaning "Shit, shower and shave" to "Solo shower sex".

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

@elise_hope A sense of humour.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

I visited a massage parlour and discovered it was a knocking shop. I was SO horrified that I walked STRAIGHT out 85 minutes and £240 later.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

If anything I tweet causes even the slightest offence, please be sure to let me know so I can endeavor to continue not giving a fuck. Thanks

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

Ladies, more specifically, cucumber fuckers. I have 4 words for you;

Corn. On. The. Cob.

Warm, buttered and ribbed, for YOUR pleasure.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

Sexting with my twitter crush in the mornings makes me run late for work, but with a raging hard on, I can walk really fast with 3 legs.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

The only circumstances in which I would kiss Julia Roberts would be if there was a plank of wood strapped across my arse.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

"I thoroughly wash my crack"

~Porn stars that do anal scenes
~OCD drug dealers

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

Spit on my timeline before you starfuck me so I know it's real.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

So, much like sex, it appears that twitter has regressed from starfucking to just the tip.

[Non Chalant @nonster7]

I've been working on a tweet about the female orgasm for some time now but I haven't quite got there. Yet.