tree climber

i used to smuggle drugs for the catholic church and now i play bass for the cia

[Tevin @YourBudTevin]

“Fucking the text man for texts”, “Young hoes cook everything on high”, “Omg you people can’t do anything” and “We’ve extensively talked about this, you’re just 21” are the four greatest tweets ever made.

The philosophical impact cannot be understated. Socratic level thinking

[miles @milesdotgov]

(Introducing my wife to Japanese business men I am making a deal with)

This is my woman mate. You will notice she is larger than I am in both height and weight. This is because I am a pervert.

(The business men nod vigorously with approval)

[metaphor man @shitbiscuit]

[Optimus Prime cracking his 18th beer of the night] Autobots… fuck marry kill: school bus, ambulance, fire truck

[✠ 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕯𝖚𝖐𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖛𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖊 ✠ @DukeTravancore]

"He who denies the existence of God, has some reason for wishing that God did not exist."

- St. Augustine"

[tree climber @noodlelank]

my snake solid like im geared for war

[tree climber @noodlelank]

fake tits are a recession indicator

[tree climber @noodlelank]

got kicked out of the kbbq for bringing my own ribs

[tree climber @noodlelank]

the boy pleads for a simple chinese dinner

[tree climber @noodlelank]

There's nothing I hate more than when somebody says they read the audio message I sent to them. That's not what it's for you earless maggot. The inflection is 90% of the message

[tree climber @noodlelank]

@ReviewsPossum incredibly interesting and nuanced take

[tree climber @noodlelank]

i came to this conclusion by thinking of a lie that might sound good and saying it

[tree climber @noodlelank]

I need a woman to tame me like I’m a circus lion

[死 @humanxmaybe]

whatever needs to be said was said in Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls

[tree climber @noodlelank]

life is hard work but the benefit is it’s a lot of fun

[Shvya @Sunderguilt]

All you will want to do is go back there

[tree climber @noodlelank]

all my mutuals that i don’t know irl are always from scottsdale no matter the platform

[tree climber @noodlelank]

men run the world because being a woman is very complicated on its own

[tree climber @noodlelank]

i’ve never met someone so resistant to being in the air