Mark Norman

I love a good silent auction.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

#designasprite The Among Us sprite - every two minutes it scans the area for nearby players, chests, ammo boxes, sprites.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

#designasprite The Tank Sprite - when in a fight it shoots people people behind you and on your sides.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

I don’t think Calibri is better than Aptos. They’re both fine. But Arial? You can die in a fire. #wehavehelveticaathome

[Mark Norman @normmark]

I'm on the waitlist for @perplexity_ai's new agentic browser, Comet: https://t.co/S1BcRk09iA

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Still 10/10 pumped for Rory finally getting his green jacket. Yesterday was the best.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@KVanValkenburg I just want to know if you won the press lottery today and got to play the course?! I've been rooting for you to get drawn!

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Our street's recycling bins weren't emptied last Thursday, @miamidadeswm any chance we can have a make-up pickup? It's a very cardboard-ey time of year!

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Thinking of using the word iconic? Try using indelible or unforgettable. Iconic is the representative symbol of overused words.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Fake backgrounds in zoom are a pox. Hate them so hard.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@KVanValkenburg Piggybacking- A+ on this. Genuinely phenomenal. I think we (talk to my people- I’m available) spin it off, call it This American Stripe.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@KVanValkenburg Like so bad. I decided to go outside.

[Wernher von Braun @DrVonBraun]

Humanity has about six months to purchase 8 billion ape costumes for the ultimate prank.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@KVanValkenburg @NoLayingUp @ngschuNLU @TronCarterNLU Love this series and been waiting for the Halas/McCaskey deep dive. Huge fan KVV, but go ahead and start drafting that mea culpa for pronouncing the Staleys as the Stanleys.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@dan_vanvoorhis Midwest is best

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Just a reminder- the word you want is “nauseated” not “nauseous.” People using the wrong word in formal situations makes my stomach turn. #themoreyouknow

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@HDCares @HDCares following up on this 18 months later- when can I pay with my phone at Home Depot? It sure would be convenient.

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Dear @HomeDepot - no Apple Pay? I wanted to get busy doing today but had to drive to find an ATM to get cash to buy stuff. Cmon folks! It’s 2023!

[Mark Norman @normmark]

@HDCares for your eyes

[Quiver Quantitative @QuiverQuant]

U.S. Senator Jon Ossoff just posted this video on the bipartisan effort to ban congressional stock trading:

[Mark Norman @normmark]

Cosign so hard @stephmurrayyyy https://t.co/JyRjk23RvI We put cones up on our street on Friday nights and call it Front Yard Friday-so much great outdoor play. It's awesome for the neighborhood kids and my wife and I have forged new, great adult friendships as well.

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Everyday is Prime Day when you’re married to my wife.