Can’t wait to drink my body weight in pickle shots this weekend at shehans and then DM 5-6 girls from high school who glowed up. This will all be followed up with a text to my grade 10 civics teacher asking to meet at bugsys the following Monday for beers.
Wishing the best of luck to Ben Simmonds this week at the PGA Championship! @BethpageGolf reports that the bee populations are at an all time record low, and several iguanas have migrated to the 18th green. Also known as PRIME scoring conditions for young Benjamin.
It’s #MastersTournament week and time acknowledge the greatest player to ever pick up a golf club. After consulting with Nolan Vonalphabet’s modeling agent and the creator of Matt Persia’s fake ID we are excited to announce the creation of a new logo for the 2019 season!#goat
Former Junior Tour Standout Justin DiCienzo was recently spotted deep within the Canadian wilderness and appears to be living off the land. When asked about the most effective tree cutting method he responded “short and fast”.
We wish Justin all the best in his future!
@_jaretchipman was sighted last night in downtown St. Catharines shouting “1, 2, 3, we want 4” continuously from midnight to 2 by a unnamed tour insider #kills#thechosenone
This just in beechwood greens are currently rolling the fastest ever recorded. Broke the past record that was recorded in 16’, when all the greens died. #beechwoodgotdrip#icedout