St. Mary's College MD Parody

St. Mary's College of Maryland, the Public Honors College of Maryland

(parody account)

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

It's Giving Tuesday! Our boys down in marketing have come up with a new way to raise funds, after the disappointing lack of donations last year.
Keep an eye out for our premium subscription coming soon!

https://t.co/YzhNekNHxa

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

We are extremely thankful for President Tujuanda's selfless donation of 10,000 dollars. Despite the fact she gave herself a 30,000 dollar pay raise at the start of 2014, we appreciate this most generous gift!

#smcmgives

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

"You're sheltering an overnight guest underneath the floorboards, aren't you?"

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

https://t.co/I6FGNUtR0B

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

And so (much like the 17 year cicadas) we send our graduates to spread out into the world, fuck around, and die. Keep an eye out for your bent cardstock diploma next year!

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Some of these SMPs are just straight up dog shit.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Uh oh! Public safety drank ALL the Natty Bohs. They're all gone! No beer hunt! Sip sip sip sip *gulp*. So tasty! No beer. All gone! Natty Boh hunt is canceled on Twitter!

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Seniors, we understand this has been a long year with many disappointments. That being said, if public safety catches you hiding any beers they will shotgun that shit, toss the can, and write you up for open containers without any hesitation.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

The elusive Goonch has been caught and removed from St. Johns pond. You may return to the shit pool at your leisure.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Goonch in St. Johns pond!

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Working hard on our online graduation ceremony! Seniors, please select one of the following avatars to represent you in our graduation iMovie. These are the only 4 options.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

You all are seriously underestimating the time, effort, and money it takes to set up chairs 6 feet apart. Graduation is online.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

And yet a trace of the true self exists within the false self. Worry not art and humanities majors. Our newly designed bio labs will have a corner dedicated to you. DISCLAIMER: these will also function as the time out corner for the new marine biology students.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Sorry but we are all out of Snurks. Feel free to pick a copy of Delgo instead.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

All students who are having their majors cut, please report to Glendening tomorrow at 3:30 for a complimentary copy of The Snurks on dvd and a pat on the back. Is this fair compensation for invalidating your major? Yes, we think so. Snurk supplies limited, so please hurry.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

We'll admit that gutting the art majors, after dropping 5 million on a new building for the art majors, was not our finest moment. Currently taking suggestions for new uses of the building. Admin wants to flood the damn thing and try to pawn it off to the marine bio majors.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Criminal

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

Raccoon on campus. He didn't do anything wrong but he did not complete his daily symptom checker. Public safety will be throwing rocks until he leaves.

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

You asked and we answered. The Board of Trustees have put together a new plan to help relieve the school's debt without cutting majors. #savesmcm 💛💙💛💙

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

We understand the irony in spending millions on a new academic building for majors that no longer exist. We assure you we are trying our best. Maybe the new business majors will find some use with the stage?

[St. Mary's College MD Parody @notStMarysMD]

We must confess, the rumors are true. We will be gutting a large amount of art and humanities majors. We decided that it was the best financial decision to do this, before construction completed on the new building. We will keep the unfinished building purely for the aesthetic.