Mckinley

at any moment you can probably find me eating some form of potato

[George Alexopoulos @GPrime85]

Europeans visiting America for the World Cup, welcome. Here are some tips to help you enjoy your visit:

1. Wear a hat. That hot thing in the sky is called the sun, and it will ruin your day. Do not stand directly underneath it without shade for too long. Also, go indoors and enjoy our Air Conditioning.

2. Go for a drive. Pick a direction, cruise for at least an hour, then loop around. America is massive. We want you to enjoy it. Don’t only stay in a city. Visit national parks. Go hiking. (Just remember rule 1.)

3. Do not eat at convenience stores. That isn’t real food. Find local places, not chains. We’re talking bagel shops, greek restaurants, vienamese soup dens. Google Reviews can help. The portions will be massive. You aren’t expected to eat everything at once. Even halfway through your meal, tell your waiter you’d like the rest “to go” and you will have a second meal waiting tomorrow.

4. Mormons are the most dangerous predators in the Western hemisphere. If you spot one (they travel in gangs of two or more) drop whatever you’re holding and run for your life. Do not turn around.

5. Shoot a gun. Find an American friend, or visit a range and start talking in your funny accent then a new friend will find you. Most Americans will be delighted to take you shooting. Beware, though: Your penis will gain at least two inches and your woman may never leave you alone when you return home.

[Dean Withers @itsdeaann]

Here’s my thoughts on Charlie Kirk’s Death.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

#NewProfilePic
He’s not a crook

[Tommy Bayer @tommybayertime]

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like hey you can’t do that anymore

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Fuck more cowbell I need more harmonica @zachlanebryan

[Mckinley @not_denali]

It wasn’t winter, more like a long break from mowing the lawn.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

I keep up on current events for the soul purpose of understanding the memes I’m sent.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

I used to sleep up with my head under the covers because of the monster in the closet now it’s because I wake up to my cat trying to eat my hair.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Love is singing motorcycle drive by at karaoke

[Mckinley @not_denali]

YOU CAN LEAVE FACETIME VIDEO MESSAGES WHEN THEY DON’T ANSWER! I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS DAY

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Stuck at home no power and I’m just upset the last four of the books in this series weren’t delivered before the storm.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

@ianrs100 I only see one crime here

[Mckinley @not_denali]

I was today years old when I found out what happens in the temples of the religion I was raised in…. So fucking happy I left that cult.

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Cute that you wanna act okay now

[Mckinley @not_denali]

The fact that a superintendent arrested for crimes concerning CSPAM can post bond the next day says a lot about what our justice system thinks about pedophiles…

[Mckinley @not_denali]

@wallopeddude I feel like that’s a crime against humanity. Like they shouldn’t have to know that pain😂

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Do you think dogs ever bite their tongues?

[Mckinley @not_denali]

Catch me cooking and baking naked just to cause problems in the No Nut November bet with his friends

[Mckinley @not_denali]

“Look for the light at the end of the tunnel when things get hard”

I’m pretty sure that’s a train.

[🐝 Bee 🐝 @SavinTheBees]

Me looking at the McDonald’s employee enjoy a McFlurry on their break after telling me the machine was broken