michael from HR

i ate two whole pastas

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

testosterone but it’s minestrone

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

my best friend is having his first kid in ~3 months, and i cannot wait to give that baby its first camel #crush

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

practicing for the airport by taking my belt off.

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

she showed up to club smelling like pepperoni

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

shitting after you shower is the equivalent to the groundhog seeing his shadow and then exploding

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

ew what the fuck, my fingers have hair?

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

god forbid, six sabrina skins slay solos

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@bigdumbidiotbby wooo! one more time!

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

creampie but its poop in a toilet

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

“did somebody say twiiinnns?”
-Al-Qaeda, 2001

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

all mountain lions are women named millie.

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@sorcerershomie im sorry i was making a bad joke that i was a maggot!

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@elonmusk ,ill put this in terms you can understand, you are 2012 retweeted.

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

A latte is really just an excuse for adults to order warm milk without sounding like a baby

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@sorcerershomie why cant i see this?

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@cornski @elonmusk traitor

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@sorcerershomie free yourself, for we do not have the courage.

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@bigdumbidiotbby split pea soup and cake for dessert, NEXT!

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

for @panasonicyouths ‘s birthday i got him 25 years to life. youre going to jail, buddy

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@ccahilll i thought her shit was next month or maybe even the month after

[michael from HR @not_mothra]

@bigdumbidiotbby @thatsamoredude