@RogersCycle I had a similar experience with a mistake I expected to be called out for. The fact that nobody mentioned it somehow made me reflect on it longer than if they had.
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For two years after my mother died I kept rereading her texts. Small things. A reminder to eat something that was not bread. A prayer the night before my final exams. “Your father is fine, he just misses you and will not say it.”
I read them on bad days the way other people take medicine.
Last month my aunt called to check on me and I mentioned that the messages still help. She went quiet for a long time. Then she told me my mother never learned to read or write. Every evening she would call my aunt and dictate what to send to me, word for word.
I asked my aunt to read a few back to me over the phone.
She did not need the phone screen. She knew every single one by heart.
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@LoverMan_001 The line “I thought he was being dramatic” is the most honest thing in this post. We always think the people who live urgently are being dramatic until we understand what made them that way.
Something that came easily to me was making friends in new environments. I thought shy people just needed to put themselves out there more. It took me embarrassingly long to understand that social ease is partly a function of feeling safe and that not everyone has the same baseline of safety in social situations.
@DennisBonez This is not about not trusting people. It is about where you place the weight. That is the whole post in one sentence and it took me years to learn it.
The psychology behind what your friend experienced has a name, scarcity mindset. When you grow up without enough, the brain rewires itself to acquire and hold onto resources compulsively. It does not switch off automatically when the material circumstances change. He needed help not punishment.