notfiredyet

Thin lips. Big heart. Considerate pedestrian.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

Stood at this kiosk at MIA for ten minutes...3 dudes perused the gossip magazines and nary a lady.… https://t.co/TOnk9Ez8Hs

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

That sounds about right. 💌

Happy Galentine's, errbody! http://t.co/6Qd3vNbNw7

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

Well, "Black Widow" becomes a totally different song when you finally realize she's not saying black widdle baby.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

Siri definitely wouldn't follow you into a black hole, is all I'm saying.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

How do I change Siri's name to TARS?

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@HouseOfDVF @DVF might be time to start calling these people women instead of girls.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

My nephew rolled over. He's 4 months old in about a week. #HE WILL RULE US ALL.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

There was truly not enough Jada in that last Gotham.

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@willhallmusic nice!

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I love it when the airplane captain shits on the dummies driving the jetway. #delta

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"Whoa a new Skymall." is a sad thing I just said out loud.

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I'm also available for bar mitzvahs. http://t.co/5AuYKbwkQs

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

@thomasleeiv ha! That WAS me. Such a great wedding. I'm also available for bat and bar mitzvahs.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

Wish list: Karaoke, but for people who like to make the instrument noises.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

I can't wait to see the stupid hot intern Hillary gets in 2016.

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When I'm stressed at work, sometimes I throw a company stapler in the garbage. #MyWeirdSecret #AppropriateTwitterHandle

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Ladies on @pinterest pinning "You have as many hours in a day as Beyoncé:" you know Bey doesn't mess around with mason jar bullshit, right?

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

If The Purge were real, the vast majority of citizens would just try pot for the first time.

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

@cocosworld @therealmix LA face with a Oakland booty

[notfiredyet @notfiredyet]

Nothing says *meeting your son for the first time* like cargo shorts.
#BabyTime
#OneChildToRuleThemAll http://t.co/qtCAMKIZBu