Sanjay Vasan

check my Instagram handle... I've a better bio there :-P

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Is #ADHD a trend right now? Should I get one myself?

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

You know how there is brunch, a meal eaten between breakfast and lunch. Similarly, I tried to coin a term for the meal between lunch and dinner.
For some reason my North Indian friend asked me to never ever tell that to anyone ever again. Sus!

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Staring directly into your soul.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

This is all for what??? Just to be eaten by a bunch of beetles at the end?

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Adulting is, when you leave the house, you remember to take the keys, wallet, phone and most importantly the garbage cover to dispose on your way out.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Why flirting with a millennial is tough:

She : I love you <3

Him : Okay, I can’t take it anymore. We’ve been dating for 8 months now. It’s always less than 3. Seriously, When does it fuckin go beyond 3.

She : **Sighs**

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Okay, clearly everyone of us has once pushed a door that says pull. Quit whining about it.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Things that only Bangaloreans can relate.

Me : Bro, where are you, I’m waiting here.
Him : Idk bro, I’m stuck at traffic, my app shows 40 mins away.
Me : Oh cool, just get out of the cab, I’ve seen you.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

I’m planning to start intermittent fasting just to have a sense of control that I’m doing it on purpose not because of I’m too lazy to cook and feeling small of myself.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Me : She’s a ten.

My friends: ooooooooohhhhhhh……

Me : That’s her age. I’m going to jail.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Ask an UI developer about their take on spectrum of sexuality, they’ll probably like “ehhn!! then a radio button, now it’s a drop down, that’s all”

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Being sensitive is too much of work. Mentally.
I think I should become a dad and say whatever the shit I want. Unapologetically.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Only middle class can have debt and savings at the same time.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

I’m telling you people, there is absolutely no reason to get so worked up about Valentine’s Day.
Unless, you are fuckin single.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Women : Why women’s trousers don’t have pockets?!
Men : Imagine you put keys inside your pant pocket and it pokes out. It doesn’t look good on you.Does it?
Women : It doesn’t look good on you either.
Men : We know. But the “Benefit of Doubt” keep us from getting arrested. So…

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

: “May all your dreams in the past year come true and…”
Me : Just say “Happy New Year” and get it over with.
: Alright, “I am not going to bore you with all the extra words, as you all know..”
Me : See, that disclaimer itself a bit too much to add on.
: Okay, give me a second.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Have you seen those people who misuse the word “literally”.
Idk,I just literally get mad every time.

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

Pov : When you just started smoking.

People around: You know if you keep smoking you can’t have children.

Me: Alright,alright! I love this already you don’t have to oversell it.Relax!

[Sanjay Vasan @nothinghumorous]

I wish I could share my #SpotifyWrapped without having to explain that I am mentally stable.