!!ashton

he/him | probably not the ashton you’re looking for

[Loris @0xLoris]

'hey let's hop on a call'

hey hop off a building

[Jordanreviewsittt @jordanreviewsit]

Logging onto the dark web (teams, outlook, and excel)

[10x'er @10x_er]

how about you pip install getting bitches?

[PC Philanthropy @PcPhilanthropy]

Oh, you’re good with computers? When we’re done with Christmas dinner can you take a look at my laptop? I can’t figure out why it’s so slow!

[Fulani Braid Bitch @IamShainaJaye]

Dutty

[zoë @zoeweeeemama]

U let them shenan once they’ll shenanigan

[osa @shawn_oso]

maybe i’m not the plantain you should be frying right now

[Jeva Lange 🫎 @Jee_vuh]

Final_Version_of_Tariffs_actualFINALcopy_version7_USETHISONE.docx

[Jamila 🔔 @_iamjamila]

Just paid every single bill please everyone shut the fuck up damn. Nothing is even funny fr

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

people who drive faster than me? reckless lunatics. people who drive slower than me? annoying cowards. and me? perfect, as per usual

[Black Girl @t_sadiity]

I get in Ubers and just start lying

[DudeThatDraw® @JrocJarvis]

The Indeed app still working yall !

[skrong @superskrong]

U don’t need a tiktok replacement when we got the Subway™️ app. I be on there goin crazy. Sandwiches straight off the top of the dome. Chipotle pepperoni tuna melt. Sweet onion BLT. Toasted. U don’t even gotta order the shit.

[Pastor Kyle. @itsqail]

“You can just download the app to pay for parking” what if I blow up every single car in this lot rn

[mahrukh @parhloumahrukh]

“it is what it is” *vomits from anxiety*

[Mom Jeans @momjeansplease]

Jingle all the way? In this economy?

[popular loner🚶🏼‍♀️🤷‍♀️ @milkyy_tweets]

Saying “who’s their ceo” anytime I’m mildly dissatisfied with my experience somewhere

[ethical hater @DijahSB]

$350 for nosebleed sza/kendrick tickets I will be squabbling up in my living room

[Jaguar Right Paw @EDIBLU]

After I get home from work and ask my Tesla robot if it took the meat out the freezer