notnotupset

A queen without a kingdom

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Fox News has done to our parents what they said playing video games would do to us

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

If I unfollow you it’s cause I feel your content no longer adds value to my timeline but we still chill, if you unfollow me back it’s cause you’re a vile human whose never tasted rejection in your life

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Boys be like I’m bilingual, I speak English and to other bitches

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Tapping your laptop when you work from home so your boss thinks you’re online, call that a hand job

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Why all the youths smelling their keys at the club?

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Up until junior year of high school I though oral sex meant talking dirty

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Been thinking a lot about deleting my instagram recently, probably a sure sign I need to therapist to discuss what’s really going on

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that tomorrow is Thursday and not, as I initially believed, Friday

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

My biggest pet peeve is companies overpromising in commercials. Really Jerome, your furniture store has “everything" for my home? What about dildos? You have ribbed black dildos?

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Of ALL the sexist shit my mom pulled, letting my brothers get Helly’s and not me probably scarred me the most

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Things I don’t get & am too old to ask for clarification about:
-are there cities that straddle time zone lines where scheduling is mayhem
-why is Iowa a big deal during elections
-can’t we just print more money to forgive the country’s debt
-ships are heavy, why don’t they sink

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Found out I’m highly allergic to cats so instead of being an old lady alone with her cats I guess I’ll just be... alone

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

My boyfriend dressed up as Waldo last Halloween and I still can’t find him

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Everything is a competition unless im losing then simmer down, not everything is a competition

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Holding out hope I’ll age more gracefully than guacamole

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

There should be a support group for all the wronged ex’s of bachelorette contestants

[notnotupset @notnotupset]

Hometowns tonight has me poppin’ off like Pompeii