Funky Little Bastard Man

I want Godzilla to step on me and I'm not sure if it's a depression thing or a sex thing | she/her |

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

@Specdraqular Same, but ants. Not that I wouldn’t for spiders, but we don’t get em thanks to routine morteining for my sanity. But ANTS. Fuck, I’ve never had an ant problem before. They are just the WORST tenants. Ten? More like ten-million-ants amirite?

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

@Serrels Some of the responses to this got me so mad they got me literally using Twitter as intended about it. Like yes, of course you can read it *eventually*, you’re missing the point! You shouldn’t *have* to stand there like a git trying to parse it for the entire 1/2 hr allotted

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

For those of you still on bird website, be advised of Hat Day and also, my love.

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Every so often I like to click through Twitter, take a survey of what I’m missing. Tonight, within the space of 2-3 tweets I took AoE psychic damage from attacks on my age, gender and mental illnesses! So I’m going back to Tumblr.

[Followers For Algernon @bonerhitler]

Whoever came up with their DFAC procedures is a fucking Harry Potter nerd. Lol.

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

@metao This guy gets it!

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

My brain was struggling to find the phrase “shit tonne” so anyway, pleased to announce the release of a new alternative phrase “fuck bunch”. E.g. “I am eating a fuck bunch of popcorn because of my overwhelming depression”

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

I’m being punished for pushing her off my chair

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Are you even a Gamerer if you don’t hit quicksave immediately upon loading into the game???

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

@Specdraqular 🧡🦎

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Hello everyone, Calico is my new favourite game

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Either someone in my street bought an ice cream truck while I was away or I am having a very long auditory hallucination. Honestly not sure which is preferable at this point.

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

@Specdraqular I also love you (p.s. get me more episodes)

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

I’m so tired. I have so much shit going on. I’m reading peer-reviewed articles to relax. I can’t remember what fun looks like. I’m losing my mind and there’s no-one around to hear it.

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Read an extremely scientific account this morning at 3am of plants reacting to “being loved” by growing more (than their non-loved pals). Don’t know where I fall on this one but do you thinking yelling “who wants to get misted bitches” counts as love? Asking for a (plant) friend

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

“Ahhh, who did this!!” I yell, as I struggle to open an unnecessarily well-taped up box of toothpicks. I look down. Past Jess is always one step ahead.

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

It is today! Today is the day! What day? The day of the HAT! @burgerdrome

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Today’s the day, I’m finally going to read the best book I own. Finally I will learn the secrets of…phantom horses and mysterious dolphins (actual chapter names)

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

I use it as a pomodoro timer with 5 minute breaks for stretching and strolling which might not be for everyone but I can adapt new habitsnfor the sake of accountability club

[Funky Little Bastard Man @notsocryptic]

Folks, this might be a little niche but do any of my cool friends use Forest on their phones while they work/study/anything? I was struck by the idea of a little 'accountability club' the other day and I can't stop thinking about it