not this ending.

Sharing the raw and painful journey of losing my son by suicide. Blog: Instagram: @not_this_ending In loving memory of Liam

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On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew, was ripped out from under me. I found my son dead. He had taken his own life. He would have been 23 on 6th April 2021. My son's name is Liam.

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My most recent sick note says
“Bereavement - low mood”
I guess there aren’t really the words but personally, I wouldn’t describe trying to survive after the death of your child as ‘low mood’. It runs out on my son’s death date. Like a sick joke.
#suicide #Child #SuddenDeath

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@TerriJD30 @PontefractAT Not too late. Thank you so, so much ❤️

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⁦⁦We didn’t quite make our target but we raised a lot. I’m so grateful to everyone who donated - thank you.

Any last minute shares or donations would be great!

⁦@PontefractAT⁩ https://t.co/1rfCZpDO9z

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@johnchiar @SarahOkeson ❤️

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‘Unremarkable’.
That’s how my 22 year old son’s heart was described at the coroners hearing.
Unfuckingremarkable.
Can you imagine hearing that?
How dare this next year start without him.
How dare the world keep turning.
I am losing my mind.

#BROKEN

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@hopestevep All true. ❤️

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@griefmedchild Liam took his own life. I think I’m that moment, part of me wanted it to be physical so that I had an explanation. But I know it doesn’t make a difference why or how. They are gone. I know they are just words & terms used but they hurt don’t they. Every bit of him was remarkable.

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@dontnowhat2say ❤️

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@prancydancer8 You are right. They will always be truly remarkable ❤️

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@william30726399 Weirdly, I think maybe I wanted to hear he was physically unwell, almost to make sense of things. I appreciate that in itself makes no sense.

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@JohannaCollett ❤️

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@TriciaSkinner ❤️

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@glachlan I guess there are some things that can’t ever be made to sound acceptable. There were many things from the report that weren’t mentioned. I left with a mental list of things I intended to complain about but realised that I would’ve always found that someone used the wrong words.

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@missysoozy ❤️

[not this ending. @notthisending]

On March 21st 2021, my world crumbled. Everything I knew, or thought I knew, was ripped out from under me. I found my son dead. He had taken his own life. He would have been 23 on 6th April 2021. My son's name is Liam.

[not this ending. @notthisending]

@missysoozy You are right 💔

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@lizdeoli There are just no words but my heart aches for you, for all of us. I’m so sorry.

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@DanJohnsonAB Such beautiful, beautiful pictures. My heart aches ❤️

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@IamCal12 I completely agree.

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@NixterJ I am under the community mental health team but honestly, I’d say that doesn’t count. I think we reach a place that feels beyond help. A place that only we know. I think sometimes others that don’t feel how we do can sometimes make us feel even more alone. If that makes sense?

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Constantly somewhere between wanting to cut myself so I can feel a different kind of pain, to wanting never to feel a single thing ever again. I am broken.

#Grief #mylove #broken #ruined #ItsOkayToNotBeOkay #iambroken

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@thementalelves Good advice, you’re right. Not that we always listen to advice but good advice all the same! ❤️