fruit

entrepreneurs. visionaries. tinkerers. just here because our facebook statuses get us unfriended

[fruit @notvegetables]

does anyone know where to get all of the Big Shiny Tunes records on vinyl?

[fruit @notvegetables]

90% of straight outta Compton bout a bunch of black guys at nighttime, might as well just listen to the movie

[fruit @notvegetables]

I don't understand the obsession guys have with sending dick pics. I've been sending a lot of them lately and it's cost a fortune in stamps

[fruit @notvegetables]

anyone who is against global warming is against the movie Encino Man becoming a reality #letskeeptheseglaciersretreating

[fruit @notvegetables]

I bet 1940's ad agencies were upset when they realized they couldn't use the phrase "The Final Solution!" in product pitches anymore

[fruit @notvegetables]

it's the perfect biracial balance. like a candy version of blake griffin

[fruit @notvegetables]

you hear about them and you think it's gonna be too much pretzel but nope it's just the right amount of pretzel

[fruit @notvegetables]

hey quick thing not like life changing or whatever but have you had pretzel m&ms

[fruit @notvegetables]

To add some depth to Road Runner cartoons, I like to imagine Road Runner killed Wile E. Coyote's wife in a drunk running accident.

[fruit @notvegetables]

sorry if anyone at the screen actor's guild was offended. that hashtag was not directed at you. #notallsagisbadsag

[fruit @notvegetables]

When I'm with a girl, whatever direction her nipples are pointing is the direction my dick is pointing. #saynotosag

[fruit @notvegetables]

owners of new igloos do NOT appreciate housewarming gifts.

[fruit @notvegetables]

One time when I was 12 I took a bong hit and then a shot of 151, and then when I breathed out I accidentally puked on my great Aunt Gretchen

[fruit @notvegetables]

Shakespeare when he got old: Oh boner, where art thou

[fruit @notvegetables]

The Melbourne Identity:
Jason Bourne: Tell me who I am, ya bogan cunt!

[fruit @notvegetables]

I eat so much that my American Gladiator name would be Grazer

[fruit @notvegetables]

me:walk out of 3rd floor handicap bathroom
angry waiting wheelchair man:this stall is for handicapped ppl ONLY
me:..how did you get up here?

[fruit @notvegetables]

i wonder what side german kids choose when it's time to play war

[fruit @notvegetables]

If I ever get to run a eugenics program, I'm starting with people who buy Chinese food from grocery stores

[fruit @notvegetables]

remember ladies: nothing says thank you to our veterans better than giving a handjob in the bathroom of your local Denny's