Nicole Townsend

Just looking for someone to order the french fries, so I can avoid culpability.
*actor*producer*writer*she*her

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Someday I won't order two sandwiches, i.e. a tuna melt and a caesar wrap, at the bodega and I'll also be a satisfied person.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

The millennial urge to call every Derek "Derelicte."

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Believe white bros the first time they tell you they are the Devil's Advocate.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Me: *takes a dump*
My cat: how can I be involved?

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

@shosh_brod It's LeviSHOSHa, not levishoshAAAAA

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

@KendahlLandreth If you hate anything about @KendahlLandreth you're cancelled

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

White ppl love love LOVE to be like, don't hold me accountable for the atrocities of my forefathers but also my grandparents worked hard for my inheritance and now it's mine because I DESERVE IT DON'T TAX IT.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

You know what, I think I could use a Twitter ban.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

@KendahlLandreth This is the truest thing on the internet.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

I'm a liberal because it's so easy, I don't have energy to be twisting my brain in so many knots just to understand my own opinion. I already date men.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Wow, I can't believe you guys liked this tweet so much you should probably check out my sister's band "2 Girls 1 Mic" on bandcamp

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

hats off to the people still being like "and not a single one of them wearing a face mask" for being so darn cute

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

gotta clear out my inbox to make space for chase bank n rite aid to lmk they're anti coup

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

It's the blatantly racist lack of preparation for me.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Said U.S. Markets, "they're just boys being boys."

[Axios @axios]

U.S. markets unbothered by Capitol insurrection https://t.co/qDO4ZyHEfH

[Joe Sondow @JoeSondow]

Stop saying history will judge them. Judge them now. With judges.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

The 25th amendment rn

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

This is what happens when you take The Office off Netflix

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Impeach them all.

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

@CapitolPolice Sometimes I forget my handcuffs too - Wal-Mart is 24/7

[Nicole Townsend @ntownie]

Dearest everyone trying to comfort me in November of 2016 saying I was overreacting to Trump's election,

Fucketh the hell off forever.