Saya

♂️ | 28 | 🇫🇷 | Bi | autism | hikikomori | inward in 8D

[evie ❤️☁️ @evielovesplush]

on my tl once a week or so

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

[TIKAL @jhonscena1432]

Name a game without the letter 'N' in it

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@kwalker1009 damn, she's perfect

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@cyndaquil_x your way of holding the wiimote back then kinda felt like "hi i'm cynda and i like pain"

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

thank you

[1cy ❄️ @1cy_IC]

Saya is so sweet

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

Maybe my life, in particular, is worth living in the end

[Fenny @RomanBraixen]

Social media has normalized treating others as disposable playthings, ready to unadd/block over minor inconveniences, or once your "usefulness" has worn out, and I hate it

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

People wouldn't be happier or sadder if i was gone.
There would be no difference

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@Skyestimes @Hanks323 @Hanks323 and as you can see above, that other person was already an adult. I would have never dared doing such horrendous stuff. I tried to reach you out so you could tell me why you banned me all of a sudden, and you stayed silent.
Get fucked loser

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@Skyestimes You fucking wh*re, he was 18, nearly 19, and he was the one who confessed to me after i told him i had a crush on someone's my age, and i didn't want to hurt him because we were already close friends.

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@Skyestimes oh hey @Hanks323 , so you sided with her didn't you?
She told you whatever shit about me and you bought it without any second thought.
I never presented myself as a woman; literally everyone knew i was a 28 y/o guy.

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@Skyestimes I meant "venting channel"

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

@Skyestimes in the ramble channel, I even told about how heartbroken I was after learning about grooming allegations on an artist i really liked the work

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

i meant "taking" here

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

Maybe it's been 16 years, i'm doing it wrong.

Instead of fighting off against people who treat me like crap and/or say horrendous stuff about me, I simply should've gone "Yes you're right, i'm a disgusting freak, unworthy of friendship, kindness and empathy"

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

My life still would've been shit or even shittier but at least I was talking my biggest worry away, and would stop feeling insecure about everything 24/7

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

So yes, I'm on the very edge of suicide right now. I was already thinking for a while about not celebrating my 30th birthday, but I may not even celebrate my 29th one.

I just want to grab my laundry detergent bottle and drink it straight.

I don't want to be in pain anymore

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

In September 2015, I got hospitalized for trying to k!ll myself by overdosing.
Apart some good periods of time in 2017 and 2019, if I take every year from then and ask myself if surviving was worth it, the answer is NO.
Almost every single additional year was shit

[Saya @ntsaya_mk]

I never wanted to be a burden to people, to have them thinking i'd be doing some call for pity, or being an attention wh*re.
But I'm done masking or trying to pretend.
Staying silent, fearing the consequences of speaking up just ruined my life