LD 🦎

🜄🜁🜃🜂

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

@gemandtonic95 It means no parasitic diarrhea!!! Which if it hasn’t hit Texas yet, just wait!!!

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

So thankful the shit I just took was almost too solid. Hard even.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

“He looks like he grew up practicing making out on a goat”
“A baby goat. An old goat could probably do something….”

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

My wife packing my lunch is so funny. Why are there two pizza lunchables?

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I’ve been in love with the same woman for five and a half years and I still get excited when she walks in the room

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

Oh my god there’s at least fucking three of them

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I yearn for the day I don’t get an LGBTQ+ person when I get an oil change. Today is not that day.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I yearn for the day I don’t get an LGBTQ+ person when I get an oil change. Today is not that day.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

“After you say ‘I watched a documentary…’ I just have to buckle in because I can never know what to expect.”

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I wonder how many of my drunkest longest nights could’ve been prevented if I just took a nap instead of a shot lol

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

@kellskrabby Same

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I speak loud for Yahweh because I know my soul was fought hard for.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

When’s the last time you put Ethel Cain out the surround sound, laying on the floor until your entire body went numb?

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

Crazy that I Bender til December-ed so hard that every month is Dry January until I die

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

I’ve had Fetty Waps hard r from My Way stuck in my head for days and I am so sorry about that. It won’t leave.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

Everyone in the family is taking it easy on my grandpa on Words With Friends because he had his third stroke.

Not me.

He’s been beating my ass for years, I’m about to up my KDR.

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

Telepathically begging the child to go to sleep so I can go eat snacks and play video games just to no longer have the will to leave my bed after he finally does pass the fuck out

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

@jules_hannah Thank you!

[LD 🦎 @nuttergeck]

First Halloween sober since I went to rehab 15 years ago! 🤗