Nutty Jokes

Hand picked jokes and funny one liners that should bring a smile to your face. Please pass the humor along. LOL and live long!

[Nutty Jokes @nuttyjokes]

''Waiter there's a fly in my soup!''
''Well, that's the fly that knows good soup!''

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My doctor never mentioned to me that one of the side effects of the medicine that he prescribed for me was poverty.

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Every piece of equipment in our office is covered by insurance........except the clock.And our employees are always watching that.

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My business is so bad that yesterday I went to my fovorite lunch spot and they refused to serve me the businessman's lunch.

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Never accept a Thanksgiving dinner invitation from anyone who's standing in the Supermarket Express check out line.

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Most Newyork Italians are called Tony because on the boat over to America,they wore a sticker that said:''TO NY.''

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I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes.''Have you seen a doctor?''
''No,just spots.''

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His wife entered the bank and said,''I'd like to open a joint account.A checking account for me and a deposit account for my husband.''

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There are three ways to play Hockey:rough,rougher and ''i'll help you find your teeth if you help me find mine.''

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My girlfriend is bow-legged and I am knocked-kneed.When we stand together in swimming suits we spell OX.

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I bought a two -story house.The real estate agent gave me one story before I bought it,and another one after.

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She had such buck teeth that she could eat an apple through my catcher's mask.

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My wife said,''You're so wrapped up in golf you don't even remember our wedding day!''
''sure I do,that's (cont) http://spr.ly/l/6017J3N

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My girlfriend was so ugly that when I took her to the beach the tide refused to come in.

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A prison man carrying a dozen convicts collided with a cement truck.Police say to be on the guard for twelve hardened Criminals.

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May be I worry too much about money,but you'd worry too.If your wife was just elected to the MasterCard Hall of Fame.

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Do you realize that if it wasn't for Christmas we would never get to know our wife's sizes?

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They had a mistletoe hanging at the airport baggage center so you could kiss your luggage good-bye.

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''You're coughing so easily this morning,''the doctor said.''I should be,''replied the patient..''I've been practicing all night.''

[Nutty Jokes @nuttyjokes]

His plane was flying through a terrible storm. The flight attendant said,''Do something religious.''So he took up a collection.