Sam Nuzek

[vicky ☕ @a24victoire]

August is going to feel like this

[ol’ stocky ⛳️ @oldstocky]

Watching the homeless guy already day drinking while I’m on my way to work

[jax @brokeurtooth]

for every beautiful woman that leaves an ugly man, one year is added to cher’s lifespan

[Ray Mond @AmberRayz]

when you're 3 hours into doing absolutely nothing and God adds rain for aesthetic

[Miilato @miiilato]

tonysopranomaxxing
(panic attacks, making no progress in therapy, constantly exhausted, binge eating, quick to anger)

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

It's Mariska Hargitay Summer. We're celebrating our friends. We're cheering on our team. We're hanging out with our hot husband. We're starring in a one-woman show. We're stopping sex crimes.

[autist @litteralyme0]

Dentist: You're brushing wrong
Doctor: You're eating wrong
Personal trainer: You're training wrong
Bartender: Great choice sir

[c @teesagray]

calling robert pattinson rob bc i know him like that

[le.hl @0xleegenz]

When you’re enjoying your flight and the pilot hits you with, and if this destination is home for you…

"Welcome home.”

[Kacy Sager @THESagerbomb]

It’s 49° in Ohio and there’s a line at the ice cream shop and folks are walking around in t-shirts.

[Zoya🕊️ @Zoya_ki_batein]

me filling the room with negative energy bc i don’t wanna be there

[cнєєкυ⋆｡🪐˚ ⋆ @Okay_Bye___]

me waking up realizing i still have 2 more hours to sleep

[Hadas Weiss @weiss_hadas]

your secret is safe with me unless it’s funny

[Sophie Vershbow @svershbow]

so cold there's a thin layer of ice on top

[saanjh 🔮 @dontcrysaanjh]

me as soon as the new year starts

[Brad @BraddrofliT]

Is it normal for Republicans to redact nearly 120 pages of a Democrat hoax?

[seraphina @hearthkeeping]

i’m at buc-ees for the first time.

there are children crying tears of joy while hugging the statue of the rat. everyone is in pajamas for some reason. i’ve never seen a store so busy. people are breaking out into synchronized chanting. there’s a shrine to dolly parton.

[Céad Míle Fáilte @ColeyMick]

ABC: Robert Irwin we’d love to have you on this season of DWTS!

Robert: Awesome, mate!

ABC: We’re gonna bring up your dad being dead.

Robert: Like at the beginning? The intro?

ABC: All the time. Literally the whole time.

[໊ @meishato]

every morning i wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made

[_ @UmbilicalKordei]

I can call Carrie Ann crazy behind my phone on twitter every week but Derek saying it 2X tonight doesn’t sit right with me #dwts