SelfMuse

unlovable piece of shit | God's weakest dog | NSFW acc | #venttwt

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I want my X to be at least proof that I lived hurting, I have hurt for as long as I remember, I am used to hurt and still it slaps me every time it comes back renewed with a new name and face. I was made to be not loved ever. I was made to love what cannot love me back.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I dreamed of you, you had cut your hair the way you told me you wanted to, and were next to that sexual abuser friend of yours. I asked whether you weren't ashamed of yourself, you said nothing.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

you hardly ever had any time to see me, had plenty of excuses. but now everytime I run into you, you are hanging out with friends at gigs having fun. there is something utterly disgusting about you that noone knows but yourself

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

or maybe I just ideallzed a un weon amarillo y hedonista. idk. my bad still

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I never texted nor called back, didn't stalk you, I know nothing about you anymore, we are two strangers, and I can't even remember your voice. does this count as a proper final? is the nothingness a symptom of having done it correctly? do you remember my voice?

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

craving and chasing what is made for loving and desiring. biting what is meant to be held, holding what is meant to be bitten. I should just die

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

but I know that wasn't the one reason you left for. it was the whole package. I wasn't lovable by someone like you, someone who can love but not crave, who can desire but not chase. you're a heron, not a dog. you are of the meadows, I am of the none.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

but I know that wasn't the one reason you left for. it was the whole package. I wasn't lovable by someone like you, someone who can love but not crave, who can desire but not chase. you're a heron, not a dog. you are of the meadows, I am of the none.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

maybe you were right. I am just someone who tosses the cigarette butts anywhere on the ground and doesn't care.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I am not even sure I like myself or see myself as worthy of love really.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I am a hateful and scornful dog.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

you were not worth the hassle. I was, I am

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I think you just were a childish idiot who aspired to be more free and careless through fake and brittle masks of maturity and esoteric bullshit

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I wish I could at least remember the good moments we spent, I loved you, I know I did, but when? how?

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

who were you flirting with anyways? God knows you wouldn't go to a concert if you weren't trying to fuck someone

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I didn't expect to see my ex when going to an underground gig last night, but I also didn't expect to felt so indifferent towards that fact either.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

she asked me to be his partner ❤️‍🩹
feels so incredible to finally be with someone who's actually in love with you and demonstrates their love everytime, every day, no place for doubts, I have all I ever wanted.

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I wish my girlfriend's parents were nicer so I could get to know them, it saddens me so much to learn they wouldn't accept me

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I wish you had not gone to my apartment and taken me to the ER. of course I wasn't gonna die, are you stupid? I had done it so many times before, I knew what I was doing

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I think what disgusts me the most is that whenever I try to, someone stops me, just to leave me afterwards still. like, yeah, here, have some faith: .... SIKE! I was lying :D I will leave you anyways!!!!

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

I think what disgusts me the most is that whenever I try to, someone stops me, just to leave me afterwards still. like, yeah, here, have some faith: .... SIKE! I was lying :D I will leave you anyways!!!!

[SelfMuse @nvrmindmjstsd]

from now on I will focus on how much I love my partner and how awesome and lovely she is! :3 I can't wait for this to end in a terrible way so I can FINALLY have another reason to k1ll mys3lf for once without noone stopping me.