DoinMyBest, LCSW

Psychotherapist

She/her

[jordan @jordanticus]

"Forgetting is not a necessary component of repression; repression can take effect by breaking the link between thought and affect without any events or thoughts becoming unconscious."

Fink (2017)

This is an underdicussed aspect of Oedipus Rex, in which all events are known but only kept separate from one another.

Or think of a jigsaw puzzle you just spilled out onto the tabletop. There is no piece of the picture unseen yet it still carries no meaning at all until you begin to connect them to one another.

[Lilah RPG 💜 🇵🇸 @LilahRPGtt]

I need people to understand, AI can't read, it can't understand your question. It uses pattern recognition. If you're using it for research, its not research, its selective and biased results based on pattern matching, if there's no pattern it fills the blanks with false info.

[DoinMyBest, LCSW @Oceanbiscuits]

@jewstein3000 Yes therapy is “relational” BUT the therapy relationship is different from any other relationship a person has…hence why things you would with a friend (like share things about oneself, give opinions, advice ) isn’t what you’d do in therapy and why it helps

[The Mel Jar @the_mel_jar]

Unconsciously, people are coming to therapy for their therapists to be their ideal mothers and fathers: always patient, never critical, never burdening their patients with their own needs or challenges, and to provide unlimited emotional support, access, and encouragement. 🧵👇

[‏ً @omgsidewalks]

The best response I’ve seen to AI anything has been, “why should i bother reading something that nobody could be bothered to write”

[ciaoshannon @shannonsayshi2]

@nixonist Rape as a terrible evil only makes sense in a world where CONSENT is valuable.

Giving something away does not entitle others to take it. E.g. You may regularly give $ to charity, but if someone robs you - that is a crime.

[The Mel Jar @the_mel_jar]

What is called “borderline” is the same as hysteria in this specific manifestation. It’s what happens when women are unhappy in their lives, and so they engage in a feminine rebellion against their lives and those in it, which is the unconscious choice of those who feel that they lack power to change their circumstances.

They do this to fight against what they feel they cannot control. They do this because they believe they are powerless, on a deep, unconscious level.

They become angry and/or they become ill, which is anger directed inwards, and so others do not know.

They become convinced that their lives can only change if others will change their ways and their attitudes towards them.

But those others frequently do not change — nor CAN they change, even if consciously insisted upon, even if they declare that they want this, because unconsciously, the situation works for them. They are in control.

They are the injured party (the long-suffering adult), and the hysteric is the petulant and/or ill child.

Being “nicer” leads to more repression and illness for the hysteric. So, this is not an improvement. It’s actually a regression.

First, the hysteric is unwell while they refuse to accept their anger. Then, they accept their anger, and they yell at everyone and/or gossip behind everyone’s backs. Then, as they work through their anger and shame, they accept that none of that helps them — it doesn’t lead to others changing, nor to their own lives changing.

After that realization, then too many hysterical subjects choose to repress themselves all over again, and they end up right where they were before: ill, and dependent.

But there is another option. That is to accept that they have standards that are not being met, and it is OK and only natural to have their own standards.

And then they accept ending relationships with others who profoundly fail to meet those standards, even without anyone reassuring the hysteric that they are “doing the right thing.”

Even while these other people accuse the hysterics of being more ill and disturbed than ever before.

The need for reassurance is the hysteric’s big obstacle.

Most men who speak of their borderline exes who left them are speaking of women who did not agree that they must remain grateful and beholden to these men permanently (or at least, until the men decided they would like to end their relationships, themselves).

Regardless of whatever a man “does” for a woman, she is free to decide that she would like to end the relationship at any time.

That’s the true risk that we ALL take in our relationships.

No one is obligated to stay with us no matter what we do, no matter how firmly we believe that they must remain grateful and indebted to ourselves.

No one owes this past the stage in life in which we were under 18 and required legal guardianship, or are otherwise declared as dependent beyond that.

No matter the circumstances of marriage, children, financial support, and the many years of a relationship. Women are allowed to change their minds and leave.

Everyone is entitled to their feelings about this, including their judgments, moral indignation, and criticism of others.

And everyone is entitled to their freedom, too.

Everyone is allowed to make choices that make them feel better even if it makes others feel devastated.

No relationship is working well when one person is feeling better than the other person about their relationship because of their relative level of freedom and independence.

One person generally silently suffers, and then loudly suffers (which makes the other suffer, too — that’s why they care at that point, and that’s when they accuse the other of being borderline, narcissistic, or extremely unwell).

Women are more prone to be controlled by others both psychologically and practically.

And so this is why hysteria is more common in the gender that lacks the equivalent level of power, freedom, and influence in their most intimate relationships.

[soosoorandom @sluvity_____]

Disliking me is so valid. I probably confronted you on your inappropriate behaviour while everyone else around you validates and accepts it.

[Arnesa Buljušmić-Kustura @arnesa_kustura]

As a chronically ill person with severe chronic, persistent and debilitating pain & a litany of medical issues…I 100% understand how taxing it is to be sick, how exhausting it is to be in pain and what it does to your mental health, your attitude, and your mood…*however*

[Shambo of Luxembourg @BradfemlyWalsh]

This is probably the most common and pervasive way in which little girls are taught to prioritise men and placate them at all costs and little boys are taught that life should revolve around them as adults.

[Frannyfanny @proud_penelope]

When we were special to those who first loved us (in a way that made us feel like a person, not a narcissistic extension) we tend to not need to be so special to the world.

When this didn’t happen, our hunger to feel special may become insatiable, spoiling everything good

[anna @hard_boiledbabe]

From my essay ON HOPE

[Lacan in Australia @LacanInAust]

“However much the analyst may be tempted to become a teacher, model, or ideal, he should not forget that this is not his task in the analytic relationship.

If he does, he will only be repeating a mistake of the parents who crushed their child’s independence by their ...

[DoinMyBest, LCSW @Oceanbiscuits]

@awaisaftab I see so much of this with personality pathology and PTSD. Many of my patients do have PTSD but…it’s often not the driving force behind their difficulties.

[Beatrice Adler-Bolton @realLandsEnd]

Posts like this are a painful but useful case study in what we disability scholars call “carceral sanism” which is a kind of maximalist fusion of “mental health stigma” with punitive social logics. It frames visible crisis as a breach of public order, not evidence of abandonment

[DoinMyBest, LCSW @Oceanbiscuits]

@mrwhitestone_ @lourencoserpa The system isn’t functioning though…that’s why they’re coming to therapy. Or if you’re Lacanian….the symptom is no longer working

[DoinMyBest, LCSW @Oceanbiscuits]

@atx_therapist I’ve enjoyed the few open classes I’ve taken virtually with the St Louis Psychoanalytic Institute

[Matthew Pirkowski @MattPirkowski]

Just one more reduction, bro. Just one more category—another dimension will fix me, I know it. I just need another degree of freedom to properly dissect and pinpoint the trauma. Just a bit more decontextualization will allow me to properly locate and dissolve the embedding vector of my suffering. I swear, bro. Just one more slot in the tuple, please…

[BrightonPsych @BrightonPsych]

True independence is not the absence of need. It is the capacity to depend, to love, and to grieve. To stay connected without collapsing. Only by learning ordinary dependence can we ever become free.

[Ava @noampomsky]

Moving past the Cinderella complex

A frame I find continually helpful is “If no one is coming to save me, what do I have to do in order to not feel resentful?” I think this really ties into the idea of “You can’t have what you’re not willing to be.”

I think women in particular are socialized this way, but it’s also incredibly common in men, just in different ways. The trap we are all prone to falling into is: “What I’m doing so far is not working out for me, but maybe if I keep going in the exact same way, things will magically resolve.”

Note: this does not apply to an in-progress project, obviously. This applies a pattern of decision-making the world continually gives you negative feedback for, or a situation that has been bad for a long time. It could be: Every time I go out, I drink too much and alienate people. It could be: Every boyfriend I’ve ever had has been mean to me. It could be: I’ve been vaguely unhappy with my job for the past six years. It could be: I feel continual despair because I’ve failed to actualize the potential everyone has told me I have.

What I like to ask myself is: If no one is coming to save me, if this project or job or relationship ultimately ends unhappily, would I be truly satisfied by how hard I tried? Would I look back and think: I tried every conversation, every experiment, I did absolutely as much as I could to exert agency over the situation, no one could have done more?

I read a great Museguided post recently that talked about the “addictive structure of longing.” I’ve often been guilty of too much persistence without sufficient creativity, priding myself on my ability to “stick it out” without actually thinking: If I watched my best friend act exactly the way I am, in the exact same situation, would I think, This person is so resourceful, or This person is simply not committed to getting what she says she wants?

Getting over the Cinderella fantasy is painful because it means letting go of the fantasy that you can remain exactly as you are and simply be rescued. If I have to change in order to be happy, it means that I have been the architect of my own pain. There’s a reason I always get into fights with my friends; there’s a reason I’ve been dissatisfied at my last four jobs. It’s not just that I’ve been dealt an unlucky hand, my own actions have compounded my stuckness.

Change requires disintegration, pain and humility. Being rescued only requires staying in place. If no one comes to rescue you, would you regret staying in place?