Koookoè

🇨🇵 🇹🇬

[IT Unprofessional @it_unprofession]

My wife and I finally got an offer accepted on a house and hired a home inspector.

I thought he'd just walk around and make sure the roof wasn't actively caving in.

Instead, a guy named Gary showed up with a tactical utility belt, an infrared camera, and the demeanor of a homicide detective.

Gary spent 6 hours meticulously documenting every structural sin committed in the last 50 years.

He handed me a 90-page PDF report that was color-coded by severity.

The whole document was basically just red.

He noted that the slope of the driveway deviates by two degrees, which could cause pooling during a catastrophic hundred-year flood.

I live in a landlocked state.

He pointed his thermal camera at a window and told me I was losing an unacceptable amount of ambient heat.

I told him the window was open.

He wrote that down as a critical mechanical failure.

He took me to the basement to look at the HVAC unit.

He shined his flashlight on a single speck of dust and asked if I was prepared for the respiratory consequences of poor filtration.

I asked him if the furnace actually worked.

He sighed deeply and said it functions, but it lacks the efficiency of a modern heat pump.

We moved to the electrical panel where Gary put on thick rubber gloves like he was about to defuse a bomb.

He told me the wiring was technically up to code but ethically questionable.

I don't know how electricity can lack morals, but Gary seemed very disappointed in the circuit breaker.

Finally, he found a tiny crack in the garage floor.

He used a digital caliper to measure it and informed me the foundation is undergoing micro-settlement.

Every house on earth is undergoing micro-settlement.

We're on a spinning rock in space, Gary.

I asked him for a bottom-line assessment on whether we should buy the property.

He looked me dead in the eye and said the house is technically habitable but still compromised.

I paid him $600 for this psychological warfare.

We're still going to buy the house.

I'm just going to live in constant fear that maybe Gary was right.

[໊໊ @juniorkingpp]

excellent use of freewill

[anis @anisbkr38]

c'est le tasty crousty de tibo inshape

[𝘽𝙡𝙖𝙠𝙚 @Arealmfngl]

Nigga what are you? God’s receptionist?

[Monarch @maven_marlon]

This could’ve saved me a few times growing up

[NOLLY @omoelerinjare1]

Grandma always disciplined the kids with her slippers. If they misbehaved and ran off, she’d throw one and never missed.

For her birthday, they placed a bottle on a distant table and handed her a slipper to aim at. She hit it perfectly.

[biggz cares if don’t nobody else care. @Biggz_91]

That class of 04/05 R&B stars are absolutely nuts 😭😭😭

[‏ً @itsnwts]

“This version of motherhood is not available in your region”

[throwbacks @solelynostalgia]

he would’ve fought the hantavirus himself if it was on his ship

[Hich 🇩🇿🇫🇷🇵🇸 @CFC_Hich]

@BFMTV Les présentateurs pendant que le maire raconte sa vie :

[Renike @iamrenike]

My period revealing itself after a depressive episode:

[🍭 @hoooooooooodddd]

J’ai jamais été autant choquée que ce jour là

[Inside my mouth @General_D__]

i think twitter has the smartest people out of all of the social medias

[Tizem ⭐️⭐️ @Tizem31]

La CAN a éclipsé le niveau catastrophique de la saison 3 de la Reina del Flow et ça c’est un SCANDALE !

Mais bizarrement on vous entend pas pour les nobles causes hein

« Gnagnagna les stades gnagnagna l’arbitre » alors que Yeimy est perdue dans la jungle amazonienne 🥺

[Pico 🎈 @Piicools]

@saint_cloudy They keep lowering the windows... why?

[𝟮𝟭.🛸 @Big_tagg]

My mom really needed that chicken thawed.

[Aaliyah🇦🇴🇨🇩 @aaliyahkuwa]

à force de regarder les match de la Can sur des sites arabes je commence un peu à comprendre inconsciemment la langue #bilinguepardefaut #CAN2025

[COCO @TWOTIMESABITCH]

"Imma just wake up early and do it then"

[Mugiwara No @HabibBuzzDay___]

Votre colis arrivera entre 8h et 20h