JELLYFISH INSTINCTS

Too smart to be a Himbo, too dumb to be Omnipotent

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

The horse is my depression and the cowboy is my anxiety

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

I’m a French mans wet dream

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

Bong Insurance: it breaks and I send you one of equal or lesser value, or you send it to me and I try to fix it kinda maybe idk or make a vase from the bits that would work, or a build an online cemetery and scientifically log the pieces and you can write the obituary

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

The SAW series at its core the actions of a man who was dealing with the toxicity of the American healthcare system

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

Trumpets have a flared base

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

Spank me hard and confirm that my W-2 has been mailed out.

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

A crucifix but there’s a bit carved into the cross that goes into your butt to better support you

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

I’m uncomfortable with the tentacle porn outfit in the Larger Than Life Backstreet Boys musical video

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

I like to think that all ducks are small on a cosmic level but the Milky Way is the universes big naturals

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

This country was built on starting small fires in the bathroom

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

Coming to the Bible this Christmas is Fat Jesus! Turned water into Root Beer and broke the cross for your sins ✨

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

“It’s ok”, I say with my hand raised as I approach the board of executives. “I’m willing to sacrifice my life , so you may allow my friend Lightning McQueen to remain a virgin.”

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

Stack donuts around it and then top it off with a donut hole over the tip?

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

@leninsthot Mr Moneybags

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

There’s plenty of songs about getting good dick but wood by Taylor Swift is not it

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

The root of the anger is xenophobia and anger but honestly the Super Bowl isn’t even for fans of football anyway

[JELLYFISH INSTINCTS @offbrandsanta]

I think Santa moonlights as God when it’s not December