Mike Hammer

Las Vegas Headliner at Four Queens Hotel & Casino 7PM Tues - Sat. Downtown's #1 Show • Featured on A&E TV and seen on Penn & Teller: Fool Us. Comedian, Magician

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Super Bowl in Spanish… relax. Most of us didn’t understand the halftime show when it was in English either.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

If I’m your emergency contact, you should probably have a backup emergency contact.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Due to SNAP benefits being cut, it’s nice to see Americans still coming together to hand out free food one fun-size bar at a time #HappyHalloween

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Six hours and thirty-nine minutes. That’s not a baseball game, that’s a Vegas residency.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Bad Bunny’s performing at the Super Bowl. If you don’t know who he is, don’t worry you’ve got time to learn Spanish.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Do I think Tylenol causes autism? Probably not. But I’m not listening to the same people who wore masks alone in the car… and lined up on grocery store X’s like it was Covid hopscotch.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Yesterday it was “I canceled Disney forever.” Today it’s “Hey, what’s my Disney+ password again?”

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

I don’t care about the new logo, I’m more offended they kept the word CRACKER.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Magic Live is in town. 1600 magicians here to talk about themselves nonstop.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

@jehrperfekt @TheGabriel72 Well, you do

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

It’s called a birthday, not a birth-month. You’re not a zodiac sign, you don’t get 30 days.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

A week ago, eggs were a financial decision. Today, they’re part of a scavenger hunt.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

I’m so disconnected from WrestleMania, I had to ask if it already happened or if we’re still pretending it’s real.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

I unsubscribe from your emails. Then you email me to confirm I’ve unsubscribed. Not sure you fully grasp how unsubscribing works.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Katy Perry’s space trip was so quick, by the time she got back, Elon had already fathered two more kids.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

The last time we got into it with China, a bat sneezed and shut down half the planet.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

I offer the kind of emotional support that makes you wish you hadn’t said anything.

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Is it time to start hoarding toilet paper again?

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

@LoyalBriBelieve Never been ;)

[Mike Hammer @officialhammer]

Libraries are for people who aren’t willing to accept the internet has won.