Oh:Dan

Parody account of my real life SEO Manager. Yes, he really says these things.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

In order to fix your site's rankings, you need a privacy policy, terms and conditions and shipping and returns pages.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

I quickly try and blow him.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Just cloned our money site that ranks in the #1 SERPS. (Don't worry about duplicate content)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

I am all over it like a wetsuit at Kmart.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

The best way to create a robots.txt file.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Getting rid of those pesky 404 errors by disallow: /404

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Effective immediately! Start using Meta Keywords for all on page assessments, it's a ranking factor.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

I block bad inbound links in robots.txt. Disallow: /*viagra

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

You need to disallow cgi-bin via htacess to keep the site secure.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

It was my schema markup that got the client the increase in rankings! (Site had no description and kW was not in title, 50 monthly searches)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

The client is over optimized for his anchor text. (It's 5% for one keyword and page has no content)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

This was a rough day, it's been awhile since I was yelled at by so many clients.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

The client will not rank as they are over optimized for their keyword anchor links (Client has duped content and no 301 redirect)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

(in an in team email) my spidey senses are going off with word guarantee.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

We should assign people to clients. (An hour after statement) we shouldn't assign people to clients.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Can you do the onsite for this client? (Client is launching a new site in 3 weeks)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

What are the chances of us ranking a website with scraped content?

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Once we add the meta data we wash our hands of it. If Google doesn't accept the meta data, deal with it. (I fixed the issue in 5 mins)

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

I will do everything to get the changes made today, however the page I need was deleted and can't be found at all.

[Oh:Dan @Ohdan]

Did you finish that onsite analysis? (I told you last week we can't do anything it's all duped content) it is!!! I better ping the client.