growing up

dms not open | she/her | 20 | eng/中文

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

how can someone love me when i’m so damaged and destroyed

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

now i don’t know if i want to have a wedding, it’ll just remind me of how little friends i have

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i don’t understand what’s so unlikable about me

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

am i really that horrible of a person

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i’m so unused to cousins being close that seeing my boyfriend be so friendly and touchy and nice to his cousin makes me feel like shit and i know it’s so toxic but it’s so strange to me

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

it’s my birthday

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i don’t understand why my friends won’t want to hang out with me

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i’m so fucking scared

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i’m not ready for anything

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

and when i selfishly wish to be hospitalized so that you stay here with me, do i finally realize im the bad person

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i feel too much when it doesn’t count and not enough when it does

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i wish i could be more easy going and not feel everything

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i ate dinner in my room every night in middle school because i was so sick and no one came to check in on me

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

my parents love each other but they don’t like each other

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i hate being vulnerable

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

i didn’t even get to enjoy the food i took so long to make

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

the no stress and letting everything run its course landed less than fucking 24 hours

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

you take jokes too seriously and make jokes of serious things. what is wrong with you

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

you’re always saying dumb shit

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

god i’m always ruining something

[growing up @ohmoonlight_]

FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY DO J ALWAYS BRING UP DUMB SHIT