oh shit, gorillas, PhDs

they/them (because im multiple gorillas)

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedExGround is incompetence personified. I live in a locked building for which the management has supplied FedEx with a building code; the driver goes "door's locked, bye" for two days and then on the third day, it doesn't even make it on the f'ing truck.

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedExHelp YOUR GROUND DRIVERS HAVE FAILED TO DELIVER THREE TIMES IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS TO MY FUCKING BUILDING DESPITE HAVING A PERSONAL FUCKING ACCESS CODE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR FUCKING COMPANY??

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedExHelp ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR GROUND DRIVERS??? THEY HAVE A FUCKING CODE TO GET INTO MY BUILDING AND STILL FUCK OFF BECAUSE "THE DOOR IS LOCKED" WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedEx I would like to file a complaint against @FedExHelp and @FedExGround

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedEx Absolutely atrocious. Driver takes off with no effort made to deliver the package. @FedExHelp then takes my info and stops responding.

What a fucking organization you've got there.

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedExHelp do you usually just take people's shipment info then leave them hanging for 30 minutes while you "check the information"???

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@FedExHelp A driver just took off with an important package that was "undeliverable" when they never attempted to call or contact me, and didn't even leave a door tag. How can I get my package TODAY?

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

.@WesternUnion tfw you're an international institution for transferring money but can't be bothered to make a working registration form for your website 😂

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

they say "holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick" but if you're angry at yourself then you're getting free poison and that's a win imo

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: if Marcus Antonius = Marc Antony, then Gaius Julius = Gay Juli.

Ergo, the name of one of the greatest generals in military history is Gay Juli Caesar.

You're welcome.

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

if I can't share @netflix with my family then you will have zero subscriptions instead of one 🤦‍♂️ your platform is shrinking because it's a wasteland of original content that no one wants, and if your solution is to nickel and dime your customers then you'll sink the whole ship

[Words That Fit on Sunbather @wordsonsnbthr]

Ibuprofen

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@dredg I need more info! I'm working tomorrow but I'd kill for one of these... I still love this album, I listened to it last maybe a month ago.

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

@flocksae hardcore af

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

they should rename twitter to TITTIES because that means small birds so its the same thing. i'd use it a lot more if it was called TITTIES.

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

you know im telling the truth bc it's illegal to lie on twitter

[oh shit, gorillas, PhDs @ohshitgorillas]

im batman