Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned)

This is serious, mum.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.

I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

I posted “i am the first man in my bloodline to jack off in an Arby’s” on facebook and my uncle replied “not true.”

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

crazy moon antics tonight

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

@BuckyIsotope I recognised the shoes

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

Is this Bucky Isotope?

[Klara @klara_sjo]

How Corvette owners dress when their wife tells them they're going to a fancy restaurant

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

Can't afford Apple iPhone Headphones? Hellmann's Squeezy Mayonnaise makes an excellent cheap alternative.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

when you see that something is troubling your mate

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

reaching for the last Pringle in the can like

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

Poe, a pilot, a rebel pilot,
Rey, a Jedi with no mum,
Darth, a name, he calls himself,
12 Parsecs, a long long way to run
Solo, shot Greedo in the head,
Leia, a dote to follow Solo,
Luke, the 5th pilot in Team Red,
And that will bring us back to Poe!

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

I saw Daniel Day Lewis in my local supermarket today. He kept saying he was ‘an elderly woman’ and to ‘leave me alone’ but I knew it was him. Such a great actor.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

"Welcome to Exclamation Mark Overusers Anonymous!"

'Hello!! I'm Mark and I have a problem!!!!!!!"

[whole group] "Hi Mark!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

Dentist: “Open wide… wider…. wiiiderr”

Me: [opening my wallet as far as I can so he can reach in and take all my money]

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

I lerved Herve Leger as the Jerker in Bertmern. RIP. Gern too sern.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.

I have a Czech one too. A Czech one too. Czech one too.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

me at the start of summer holidays vs me at the end of summer holidays

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

6 Mitchellin Stars

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

my kid when he’s been drinking coloured juice

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

@NOWHelpTeam How can I catch up on the F1 Qually from Saturday ahead of the race on Sunday if you don’t put it on demand until Monday. Drives me crazy.

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

@NOWHelpTeam Where tf is the formula 1 race on the app? Why does it take so long to upload content?

[Ollie Garch (Not Sanctioned) @ojedge]

@NOWHelpTeam Why why why does it take so long to upload the f1 to the app. You’ve uploaded the pre-show buildup, the chequered flag after show, bit not the f*king race! It’s the same every week. Not uploaded until sometimes days after the race. Should be instantly uploaded.