Garrett

my pronouns are Your Grace / My Lord

[Garrett @oldgurt]

who ever came up with the name Lloyd really put the work in. Those letters shouldn’t go together.

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Or: raisins are just grape jerky

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Beef jerky is just cow raisins

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Just posted a photo @ Mount Whitney https://t.co/i2Wu0MjeCs

[Garrett @oldgurt]

I’m starting to get the sense this CVS cashier isn’t impressed with how good I’m getting at harmonica. And by good I mean loud.

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Being a introverted extrovert is hard. No, I don’t want to come to your party. But yes, I will kill myself if you don’t invite me.

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Just posted a photo @ Puppies https://t.co/gbIP7EJbGl

[Garrett @oldgurt]

@kristigorel and a very jolly welcome back to you!

[Garrett @oldgurt]

@andygorel that’s right. i’m your daddy now

[Garrett @oldgurt]

these new pokémon are really starting to get out of hand

[Garrett @oldgurt]

hey girl are you a toaster because i want to take a bath with you

[Garrett @oldgurt]

@andygorel retweet and get the ball rolling

[Garrett @oldgurt]

@andygorel great question lol

[Garrett @oldgurt]

@Caitnobanana comedy!

[Garrett @oldgurt]

why do my friends keep trying to set me up dates with girls like me? i don’t want to date me. i hate me!

[Garrett @oldgurt]

that’s right... it turns out that an astounding 100% of all divorced couples were previously married

[Garrett @oldgurt]

POV: the two most unbelievably beautiful, narcissists with chiseled bone structures, and flawless complexion you’ve ever seen in your life are maintaining intense, direct eye contact the entire time they are masturb... whoops false alarm i’m just looking at a mirror.

[Garrett @oldgurt]

things white people love:

1. iced coffee
2. Don’t Stop Believing
3. redoing high fives
4. quietly benefiting from systemic privileges awarded to them based solely on the arbitrary melanin levels in their skin, while actively denying that these privileges even exist
5. Lists!

[Garrett @oldgurt]

Neutral Milk Toast Hotel

[Garrett @oldgurt]

is milk toast just exactly what it sounds like or what