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OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
Tweeting sick, stupid & pointless sh!t as often as I can! You best be following me mofo!
Los Angeles, CA
Joined June 2016
668
Following
173
Followers
2.5K
Posts
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
It takes patience to listen.. it takes skill to pretend you're listening.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a "wound" it closed.
Who to follow
James Madison is My Homeboy ๐บ๐ธ
@JewJitsuChick
Proud American. Debater of ideas. Developer. Baker of cookies. Chaotic Good. Thou/Thine/Thoust
เค เคฎเคฟเคค เคชเฅเคฐเฅเคตเคพเคฒ ๐ฎ๐ณ
@iamitperiwal
Dedicated to empowering villagers of Bengal Building responsible citizens by teaching soft skills & providing employment opportunities RTs โ Endorsements
rue ๐๏ธโจ๐ซ
@spideyphysics_
โกใ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฆ๐๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐๐ฌ | โฏโฏโฏโฏ ใ โก
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
I want to ask you out but I've got butterflies in my stomach. And worms. And maggots. And..
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
You're more special than relativity.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
Why is a bra singular and panties plural?
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
If the number 2 pencil is the most popular why is it still number 2?
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
almost 8 years ago
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught drinking on the job.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
Cancer cures smoking.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
Anyone who says "good morning" on a Monday is a sociopath.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
Whats long and hard on a nigger? First grade.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.
OMG One Liners
@omg_oneliners
about 8 years ago
What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.
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