Vaughan Humphries

Author, flaneur, raconteur and bon viveur. Known the world over for talking absolute gibberish.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

A useful person is often more valuable than an important one.

#StoneTheCrows

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Good governance rarely looks dramatic.

That's what makes it interesting.

#StoneTheCrows

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

@realdeville1963 Thank you. I've come to suspect that most systems don't need villains to become interesting. They just need enough committees, good intentions, and nobody quite sure who's responsible.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Visited @BurgerKingUK #Didcot
Teenagers sitting inside eating KFC, feet on tables, while staff do nothing. Genuine question: if the business doesn’t care about basic standards of cleanliness and customer environment, why should customers care where they spend their money?

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Small acts of antisocial behaviour aren’t really the problem.

The problem is that we’ve collectively decided it’s impolite to challenge them.

So standards drift, one ignored incident at a time, while everyone stares at their phone and pretends not to notice.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Pretty sure I’ve reached Peak Grumpy Old Man.

Just found myself in Burger King telling a teenage lad to get his feet off the table.

The worst part wasn’t saying it.

It was realising I was absolutely certain I was right.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Breaking into writing is difficult because most of us are doing it around a Monday-to-Friday job. The challenge isn’t finding inspiration; it’s finding the time.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

#waswriting I’m answering a succession of questions from my son, each one arriving before I’ve quite finished the last answer. As a method for understanding how people think, it’s probably more useful than most formal enquiries. Useful research all the same.

#AmWriting #DadLife

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Not writing tonight.

I’m in the pub with my son. Me: a pint of beer. Him: a pint of pineapple juice.

Ten years from now he’ll be 18, and with any luck he’ll be buying me a pint.

Time moves faster than you’d like.

#DadLife #PubLife

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Most political thrillers start with a murder.

Mine starts with a committee.

I suspect @RoryStewartUK and @RestIsPolitics may bear some responsibility for this.

#StoneTheCrows

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

@ezekielwriters Officially: political/institutional thriller.

Unofficially: what happens when a perfectly ordinary man becomes useful to a system that no-one quite owns.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Others are watching World Cup qualifying.

I'm trying to finish a novel about a committee.

We all make our choices.

#amwriting #StoneTheCrows #Thame

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

A character has just asked for clarification on process. Things are escalating rapidly.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Some writers have car chases. I have agenda items.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Today's challenge: making a governance review sound threatening.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

I've reached the stage of writing where changing one sentence requires three meetings and a consultation period.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

The difficulty with writing realistic bureaucracy is that reality keeps producing better examples.

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Some authors spend months researching weapons, espionage, and organised crime.

I've just spent twenty minutes looking at local authority governance structures.

#amwriting #LocalGovernment

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

A surprising amount of my writing time is spent wondering whether a committee would establish a working group rather than a subcommittee.

#amwriting

[Vaughan Humphries @onelostkiwi]

Most thrillers involve assassins, spies, or international conspiracies.

Mine involves a consultation document that has been circulated for comment.

#amwriting