Michael von Mountainstein 😏

Pondering If and Then since 2015

[Michael von Mountainstein 😏 @onlyinyourtweet]

Thankfully the conflict with Iran is coming to a peaceful end because I was all ready to call for a match between the two countries in soccer, the winning side gets to keep their nuclear arsenal. 🤔

[Max von Side-Eye @SvenTystnad]

Best David Bowie album? Poll 1 of 4, first round 😎😎😎

[Michael von Mountainstein 😏 @onlyinyourtweet]

Congratulations to the Knickerbockers and just think if it wasn't for President Trump showing up to ruin their perfect playoff season, then this series may still be going and who knows maybe the Spurs mount a miraculous comeback! 🙃🏀

[Gorilla Lawn Bowling Collective @Cloudnme]

Todd Rundgren is not only a top-notch singer/songwriter but produced some highly praised recordings. Of the following, which one do you like best?
1. Skylarking
2. Bat Out of Hell
3. Straight up
4. We’re an American Band

[Michael von Mountainstein 😏 @onlyinyourtweet]

Elon is now a trillion dollar man and if he were to give his fortune away to each person in the world, then we'd all have enough to afford our phone bill.

[Gorilla Lawn Bowling Collective @Cloudnme]

Test Poll: Top Songs from 1967: Please RT:
1. Never my Love
2. Incense and Peppermints
3. Ruby Tuesday
4. For What It’s Worth

[Gorilla Lawn Bowling Collective @Cloudnme]

https://t.co/6PthE83W0x

[CubsHQ.com @ChicagoCubsHQ]

PCA addresses the viral fan incident. https://t.co/Jkf6tkf8jR

[Michael von Mountainstein 😏 @onlyinyourtweet]

Almost lost my account but I am back 😚

[John Cleese @JohnCleese]

I read everywhere about the 'hard right'

This the term used to describe people who are
Islamosceptic - that is, people who are doubtful about the merits of a religion that demands child marriage, the beating of women, and death to all who oppose it

Perhaps 'sensible right' would be a better description

[Old Salty Marine @BamaSaltyMarine]

A guy goes to Las Vegas and wins a small jackpot on the slots. He goes out to find a hooker. He spots one dressed to the nines and asks her how much.

The Hooker says, "a hand job starts at $500.

He says "that sounds like a lot."

The hooker responds, "you see that restaurant across the street? Well, I own that restaurant because I give a hand job that's worth every bit of $500."

So they go to his room, and he realizes that it was indeed worth $500.

The next night he has a wonderful night at blackjack, and goes to find another hooker.

Much to his surprise, he runs into the same one, again dressed to kill and with a different hair style.

He asks, "how much for a BJ?" He is astounded when the hooker says, "$1500."

The hooker says, "listen, you see that casino across the street? Well, I own that casino because I give a blow job worth every penny of $1500."

So they go to his room again, and sure enough, the BJ is actually that good.

As he is paying, he asks, 'just out of curiosity, how much would it be to get some pussy?"

The hooker points out the window and says, you see that city out there?"

The guy says, "wait a minute, are you telling me that you own the city of Las Vegas?"

The hooker sighs and says, "no. But I probably would if I had a pussy."

[Mila Joy @Milajoy]

Never forget that the Democrats arrested a US President, his lawyers, his campaign manager, his accountants, his media allies, and his valet over fake, made up stuff.

Jack Smith MUST be held accountable or it will happen over and over again.

Lock him up.

[Michael von Mountainstein 😏 @onlyinyourtweet]

The Obama Presidential Library is almost ready to open...😯

[Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

My lesbian neighbors asked me to help them conceive a child recently. They said they don’t mind if we do it the “old-fashioned” way, as they’re pretty easygoing. For three months now we’ve been trying, but I just don’t have the heart to tell them I had a vasectomy last year.

[Sama Hoole @SamaHoole]

Breaking news for anyone who hasn't worked this out yet:

Cows are vegan.

No, stay with me.

The cow eats the grass. The clover. The herbs. The wildflowers. The diverse, mineral-rich, organically grown plant matter from the field.

The cow then, and this is where it gets interesting, converts all of that plant material into complete protein, bioavailable heme iron, zinc, B12, fat-soluble vitamins, omega-3 fatty acids, creatine, and carnosine.

Using its four stomachs. Which are considerably better at this than yours.

So technically, the most efficient way to eat a plant-based diet is to let a cow do it first.

The cow is the blender.

The cow is doing the processing you cannot do yourself.

When you eat beef, you are eating a hyperconcentrated, biologically optimised, grass-powered superfood that a vegan has been assembling for you in a field for eighteen months.

You're welcome.

[Darth Powell @VladTheInflator]

I'm sorry I thought this was America

[Byl Holte @SirBylHolte]

Nancy Guthrie’s kidnapper is described as:

MALE

APPROXIMATELY 5'9"-5'10" TALL

AVERAGE BUILD

WEARING A BLACK, 25-LITER OZARK TRAIL HIKER
BACKPACK...

But the description leaves out the most obvious detail: INCREDIBLY STUPID.

Because what kind of kidnapper sits on a multimillionaire’s mother for 13+ days without demanding a single dollar?

Oh right: THERE IS NO KIDNAPPER.

Something "HAPPENED" to her.

There are BLOOD DROPS.

She needs meds.

She’s most likely DECEASED.

They’re covering it up.

Change my mind 🤷‍♂️

[Eyal Yakoby @EYakoby]

They’re trying to ban dogs.

[🇺🇸 🦅Simple Man 🦅🇺🇸 @Soaringeagle45]

Before he died, Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine waiting to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver .

"You know," he said, "I am 87 years old and I have never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?"The driver said, "No problem. Be my guest!"

Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo and he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.

The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.

He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor.

He told the supervisor, "I know we are supposed to enforce the law, but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person."

The supervisor asked, "Is it the governor?" The young trooper said, "No, he's more important than that." The supervisor said, "Oh, so it's the president." The young trooper said, "No, he's even more important than that."

The supervisor finally asked, "Well then, who is it?"The young trooper said...

"I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!"