xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx

come to my show you freaking nerds

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

I made a comedy show!

Now, I’m not saying I’ll use this show’s success as a measure of my self worth, but I sure will hate myself if you don’t buy a ticket right now

[TaxiCabComedy @TaxiCabComedy]

Tickets are only $15! That's less than an actual cab would charge to drive you to the show! Unless you live nearby! In which case, it's so close to home you gotta go! You gotta go!!!

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

My last show is now on YouTube!

Check it out: https://t.co/jfoiZjZwF4

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

@luckypaperMtG Thanks for the retweet!

@frankbrownvet is my remaining partner.

To anyone reading this: if you play with us you might get some great veterinary advice!

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

@ahmattox @andymangold I’m a huge fan of @luckypaperMtG!

My friend had to leave #MagicConPhilly unexpectedly and now our mystery booster Trios team is down a player. Do you or someone you know want a spot on our team?

We’ll have to drop if we can’t find anyone :(

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Pretty cool that other animals just know not to look directly at the sun

[TaxiCabComedy @TaxiCabComedy]

Wow did not expect to blow up like this!!!! Better get tickets to our show before they sell out! 🤪🤪

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Probably would have been wise to include the ticket link, oops!

https://t.co/bFNgDpiEQV

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

I made a comedy show!

Now, I’m not saying I’ll use this show’s success as a measure of my self worth, but I sure will hate myself if you don’t buy a ticket right now

[TaxiCabComedy @TaxiCabComedy]

Tickets are only $15! That's less than an actual cab would charge to drive you to the show! Unless you live nearby! In which case, it's so close to home you gotta go! You gotta go!!!

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

FYI: It is not illegal to vote while drunk

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Some of you are alright, don’t take the sidewalk tomorrow

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

When a host and comedian without a care
Starting making jokes about my wife’s hair
I got in one little fight, but because I’m a star
The academy said “it’s fine, you can still have your Oscar”

(2/2)

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

In Los Angeles, loved and praised
In the studio is where I spent most of my days
Making music, TV shows, movies all cool
And teaching Scientology in my school

(1/2)

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Be on the lookout for foods you don’t like. Lotta folks out there want to make you eat them. Can’t allow it.

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Did people always spell it “cum” or is that search engine optimized?

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Yesterday I had to look my gf in the eye and tell her we can’t go to Costa Rica because their spiders are too big.

How have you disappointed a loved one in the new year?

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

I sincerely hope whoever came up with the phrase “surf & turf” is proud of themselves

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Feeling v jealous of crocodiles rn

Eating bones looks rad

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

Find someone who looks at you the way Hans looks at his detonators

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

@marinaxlsx https://t.co/MzJ7UqhGjU

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

FYI: There’s a new YouTube ad for reusable q-tips which, without warning, cuts to a candle’s worth of wax getting yanked from a dude’s ear

[xX_D0UG_L1SK_Xx @OnTheDLL]

@marinaxlsx https://t.co/8pHkUj0zug