Open Mike

We work for a crime TV show in LA.If you can imagine an office where a Kevin/Dwight combination exists, that would be our coworker mike. These are his thoughts.

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

@BigBoi @OutsideLands where at? We at the back of Polo right nowwww

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

hiatus is actually a little more boring without mike

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

for tinder i should take a picture with this saw.

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

You don’t have to put your head in the toilet, you just have to put it around it.

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

Interested in drowning in a toilet?

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

once i have Ryan beat the hell out Randy i'll be done.

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

*playing with saw and chainsaw at desk*
coworker: murder weapon?
mike: dismemberment

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

mike: i need you for a recre.
coworker: Dakota wil do it
mike: no, i need someone old...

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

"okay i need you on your knees and i need you to come up and pat his head."
"now give him a few pets"

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

(playing with packing tape) "i love tape!"

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

that's a lot of nipple hair

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

I'm gonna bite you a little bit. [Then actually proceeded to bite a coworker]

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

Good job josh, keep going. Waynes gonna love this stuff

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

I'm gonna turn you around. Oohhhh

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

Oh boy, we're gonna get sweaty

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

Get closer to my mouth

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

You touch my body, and I'll touch your body, and stuff like that

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

coworker: Mike, were those texts meant for me?

Mike: yes...wait, what texts?

coworker: [reads texts]

Mike: oh, no

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

Okay. Jenna, Dakota. I need you to hold each other and quiver.

[Open Mike @open_mike_]

yeah, I can get two girls in a closet for ya.