Chris Orchard

Bone idle.

[Larry the Cat @Number10cat]

Wanted: New housemate for Westminster based feline. Recently decorated house includes excellent security, lightly used office space and large garden, suitable for hosting parties. Deep clean required.

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

@nutterbolloxs 👍

[Seb Dance @SebDance]

It needs saying again and again. Brits will be the only people in a major western European country unable to travel, live, work and retire freely in their own continent. UK kids will miss out on opportunities that their counterparts across Europe will take for granted. A tragedy.

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

😂

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

STOP THE COUNT!

[Gus The Fox @GusTheFox]

Trying to think of anything good that America’s brought to the table over the last 20 years and the only thing I can come up with is that time when a goose flew into Fabio’s face on a rollercoaster. Come on America buck your fucking ideas up a bit and let’s have some more of that

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

UK 2020

[Darren Dutton @Darren_Dutton]

I've had enough of Matt Hancock bringing his ukelele to interviews

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

@bazzachristian
@guzzells

[Mark Watson, still here but very much also Bluesky @watsoncomedian]

Archers and lemonade because a girl was drinking it and I said 'I'll have the same' and just doubled down for about three years. I haven't seen anyone order this, ever, since 1998 and I'm not 100% it is a real thing.

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

@bazzachristian @ShaneUzzell colour!!!!

[Trumpton @Trump_ton]

*Breaking*

Olympics to be replaced by live streaming of Daly Thompson's Decathlon played on an Amstrad CPC 464

[Brian Cox @ProfBrianCox]

A passport is only worth the rights it confers. It means nothing inside ones own country. This passport is weaker than the one it replaces, symbolising the removal of our rights to move and operate freely across our own continent. It therefore represents abject political failure.

[Ben Stephens @stephens_ben]

@mrjamesob "I feel like a library is being burned down by people who can't read."

Best description I've read of Brexit, said by a Brit living in the EU.

[Anna Soubry 🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🇺🇦🇪🇺🖤🤍 @Anna_Soubry]

Just to remind everyone. This election was called by the Labour Party and the Liberal Democrats fuelled by tribalism & Kool-Aid when a @peoplesvote_uk was within our grasp

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

I’ve signed up to be the first to know how to vote tactically for a #PeoplesVote if there’s an election, so we the people can solve this Brexit crisis. Will you? #VT4PV #LetUsBeHeard

[Adrian Edmondson ❎ @AdrianEdmondson]

"It's not your ball, it's everybody's ball."

[Moose Allain Ꙭ @MooseAllain]

The people who say "We just need to get on with Brexit" are the same people who sound their horns in stationary traffic.

[Jim White @jimw1]

Woman in the bureau de change just told me I'd get 320 euros for £300 for my holidays. I told her to buck up, be more optimistic and stop pedalling project fear. But oddly she didn't give me any more.

[Lucy Wainwright @Whoozley]

Johnson became PM with 92,000 votes. Boaty McBoatface got 124,000 votes & was overruled for being plainly a bloody stupid fucking decision. Just saying.

[Chris Orchard @orchie79]

#NextPrimeMinister