🦝*

the illiterati. opinions are not my own. likes and RTs are us making out in the Target parking lot.

[John Attridge @John_Attridge]

Everyone who writes more floridly than me is an affected windbag. Anyone who writes more tautly is a thin-lipped automaton. Only I know the exactly correct balance between stylistic exuberance and measured prose

[timothy faust 🇵🇸 @crulge]

I believe all women are natural pilots. I believe the term "a woman's intuition" refers to her God-given proclivities toward understanding such concepts as yaw, pitch, and roll. That's just how I am.

[Math Liker 🇹🇲 🇿🇲 @gunkshake]

Asking my wife if we can do it "Chicago style" tonight

[🏹 @missmewhenyougo]

Anyone else lowkey forget what their mission was on Earth LOL. Anyone else desperately trying to repair communication lines with the world beyond

[dudermane @612jack]

i just valued my buddy at $1.2 Trillion

[holden m. accountable @noahpasaran]

ME: fuck, this spreadsheet is going to be unreadable

ENENTARZI (Sumerian accountant whose soul is imprisoned in my Excel program): O great scribe, by the blessing of Nadu, perhaps a pivot table?

ME: hey thanks man

ENENTARZI: Truly this afterlife is a wondrous and blessed one

[seth @kappyland]

Keep in mind there are literally people from Connecticut

[johntheman_heiscome_heisme_PREACHTRUTHILLUMINATIPl @heiscomeheisme]

THE NEXT MAJOR DEVELOPMENT IN MILITARY TECHNOLOGY WILL BE TO GIVE EACH PROJECTILE A MIND AND SOUL, AS THE ERRATIC MOVEMENTS CAUSED BY THEIR INNATE SELF PRESERVATION INSTINCTS WILL MAKE THEM HARD TO INTERCEPT

[🦝* @oroboredus]

@autisemitic @MassJumbo pittsburgh's already out of the mountains. it's gotta have river confluence AND ridge-and-valley range

[🦝* @oroboredus]

@MassJumbo duncannon/clark's ferry & northumberland-sunbury have wasted their potential

[demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon]

just got an email saying my domino's pizza points are about to expire. i can't have one fucking thing in this fucking world

[John Attridge @John_Attridge]

You want me to use the Socratic method? The thing that killed Socrates?

[barrel rolls @barrel_rolls]

don’t be like that your honor

[DJ burger 🍔🐯🎵 @bigcatburger]

Dont care + didnt ask + with my pickle

[chad @chasedbywasps]

they say the muppets were once human like you and I. but they craved gnosis

[🦝* @oroboredus]

https://t.co/p9AvO3MtMx shipping is a machine that turns books from "Condition: New" into "Condition: Unacceptable" and im fucking sick of it

[🦝* @oroboredus]

@jeuvies he's media-trained by baelor to not fall for the ragebait

[🦝* @oroboredus]

boy do i have a 2002 indie rock song for you

[Terminally Online Leftist 🥂 @terminallyOL]

gm