Ed

undefeated mosquito slapboxer

[dazzling @UtterlyVapid]

Good for Olivia Rodrigo. That was a fantastic album. I might k*ll myself.

[j @meadandjuniper]

Your 20s are for realizing that all your grandiose life plans pale in comparison to having people you really like being around

[Gale Na @poisonjr]

If you are crying and wearing pajama pants in your own yard in northern Virginia they send you to the mental hospital and shave all your hair off. If you have two functioning headlights in Richmond someone will call you an undercover police officer

[x_c4tb0y_x @vampiric_shirin]

crazy that there’s a million stereotypes about minorities smelling bad then u go to a white persons house and it smells like dog surgery

[fuck it we bawl @fuckitwebawl_]

first in the bloodline to put an end to my bloodline.

[𝐣𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 ᥫ᭡. @jen_in_reverie]

I think the elephant really ties the room together.

[The Recount @therecount]

Moderator: "Who's the best modern-day U.S. president?"

Andrew Cuomo: "Bill Clinton."

Zohran Mamdani: "FDR."

Curtis Sliwa: "[Former NY Gov.] George Pataki."

[carmeb @therealcbrad]

I hope this email kills us both

[Ed @outofstoc]

@lindseyadler tough pick six there. carly rae outta help

[Ed @outofstoc]

@TalkinYanks green light hicks

[Bobby Shmurda @Shmurda]

Had the worst day ever 🤦🏽‍♂️ not having sex for 6 months 😭😭😭

[Nathalie Kernot @nolliepops]

It's actually bad luck to say MacBook inside an office. You have to call it 'The Scottish Laptop'

[Ed @outofstoc]

@TalkinYanks first reminder of why i hate that i love watching baseball

[𝖏𝖆𝖍 ツ @fullautojayy]

shrek and fiona actually chose being ogres over being white

[Nick Hutchins @nicholasrhutch]

I will pay up to $1 million in Kohl’s Cash for a leaked recording of the audio from the stage management team’s walkie-talkies

[Ed @outofstoc]

@pissboymcgee i thought meat raffles were only legal in nevada

[Ed @outofstoc]

@supermega you haven't aged a day, mr. pang