Simon

A bit middle-aged. A bit to the right. A bit partial to cake.

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Get off the stage you utter cunt Trump #VamosEspaña

[Simon @ovalyellow]

What the buggery fuck is this half time abomination? #FIFAWorldCup

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Every rendition of the USA national anthem is unintentionally hilarious. They're an odd bunch #bbcsport

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Clacton does appear to resemble a post zombie apocalypse landscape

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Scotland currently making Brazil look like....well....Brazil #bbcsport #worldcup

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Decent saves there but some of those shots looked like passes #CHALEI

[Simon @ovalyellow]

That'd be a penalty in Scotland ##bbcsport #bbcfootball #facup

[Simon @ovalyellow]

I just really hate football now. Celtic the worst ever league winners and classless fans #bbcfootball

[Simon @ovalyellow]

13 to 15% commision? Jeez recruiters really are parasites #theapprentice

[Simon @ovalyellow]

It's a good piece but I can't believe Karl Jenkins top of the Hall of Fame #ClassicFM

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@robprogressive Get some new material you tedious grifting prick

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@TheNewsAgents @lewis_goodall Having either lived or worked in London since 1999 I'm still patiently waiting to discover this mystical Londistan. Maybe it's like Brigadoon and I'll have to wait a bit.

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@MalHay Were you in a coma from 1979 to 1990?

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@Jenny_1884 No one pays into the state pension. There is NO POT. Why do people find this so hard to comprehend?

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@Jenny_1884 The problem is "no discipline at home". Everything stems from that.

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@Ms_MerryThought Exactly - a cop out, and a poorly painted one at that . A great show ruined by constant inexplicable judging choices.

[Simon @ovalyellow]

How has she won? I'm genuinely flabbergasted. That pastel non entity was GCSE coursework-esque #laoty

[Simon @ovalyellow]

Find it bizarre that the guest setting the #MasterChefTheProfessionals skills test is an inferior chef to the contestants

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@Jenny_1884 The fact he doesn't live here gives his opinion zero credibility

[Simon @ovalyellow]

@Jenny_1884 You fucking traitor