Overheard

We're all looking for a little humor in our lives.

[Overheard @overheardSD]

Sweetheart it's fine, you can find something you like other than beer. #overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"What's the hour?"
"8:45."
Oh we've got plenty of time. We can get drunk and be in bed by 11:30."
#Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

I wish my pants were on fire so I could run out of here. #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

You say cum, I say done #overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"Do we need anything for tomorrow?"
"Not unless you can get me a different uterus. But I don't think that's in the works, and it's illegal."

[Overheard @overheardSD]

I'm throwing stranger danger out the window and giving absolutely no fucks. #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"I just like to have a good time."
"Yes you do. You either end up on the pole or you bash bitches heads in the door. You spare no expense."

[Overheard @overheardSD]

I tried to type Labor Day and it corrected to Abortion Day. #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"How are you?"
"Oh I'm good, just talking with a 15 year old while I'm drunk. It's all Gucci."
#Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"That's a really nice table - that's what we need."
"Um, yeah we actually use that to shave our dog, but it's a good table."
"Oh..."

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"Did you grow up on a chicken farm? Cause you sure know how to raise a cock." #Overheard #BadPickupLines

[Overheard @overheardSD]

I didn't taste bacon, I tasted pizza. Pepperoni actually. #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

He literally sniffed cocaine out of the stripper's ass #overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"Do you remember what the joke was?"
"Something about triple meat and my dick."
#Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

Babies and Chewbacca don't mix #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"I give head better than 7 lesbians put together."
"That would be a tongue fiesta."
#overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"Why'd you get me pregnant?"
"It's contagious. Wouldn't that be funny?"
#Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"I wasn't listening because I have to pee so bad."

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"My cat has anxiety. It has Fybromeowlga." #Overheard

[Overheard @overheardSD]

"I'm really glad we're not eating each other's shit right now." #OverheardInSD